flight details

i realised i didn't mention here that my flights are all booked and confirmed. everything sounds like exciting prospects to me, i never liked uncertainty, but the uncertainty of accomodation, the uncertainty of whether i can live and move aound independently, all these seem to unfaze me currently, shockingly.

i used to wonder if i can survive overseas on my own, moving around myself and all, now i suppose those are the least i'm actually worrying about.

anyhow, i'm supposed to post flight details:

21st june:
flight to london leaves s'pore 840pm, terminal 1
transit at bangkok, then fly to london from bangkok
arrives at london 22nd june, 715am

26th june:
flight to copenhagen leaves london 640am
arrives at copenhagen 930am

9th august:
flight back to s'pore leaves copenhagen 225pm
transit at bangkok, then fly back to s'pore from bangkok
arrives at s'pore 10th august, 1115am, terminal 1

it's 3 more weeks to all these!

anw, cai told me last night he's confirmed coming to nus biz. i was so happy! haha finally someone to suan in biz. =P

and....i just changed my hair style again! ok not much difference, but dyed a different colour, layered my hair, then cut the fringe also. somehow even though i hate myself for spending so much money these days, changing new hair styles never really fail to make me more daring in trying new stuff, including clothes and all. i just have to console myself that these money spent are half yearly affairs.=X

so many new songs these days. i'm lagging behind!!

sighhh

sigh did damn badly this sem. i really really hope this will not extend into a future trend. i'm quite worried but ah well what can i do rite.

all the promises about doing well in uni seems to have vanished into thin air. i really wish i could, but you know, it's not that i'm not trying. i really dun wanna disappoint my parents (or even myself).

but too bad, this is not the first time i'm disappointing them. i think they prob lost all the confidence they had in me ever since a few years back.

i shouldnt be upset though. all my modules are within my expectations, just that i never did imagine them to be this horrible when added together. you know i'm also wishing for a miracle. i should know better huh. luck is seldom with me.

i know people are going to tell me results arent everything, i can always do better next time, but well i guess expectations are different lar.

and just because at home i'm judged by the results i achieve, i just have to attempt to prove others wrong.

gosh i'm aching!

quite proud of myself that i'm starting to exercise nowadays. actually it's probably once a week cos that's the frequency my mum and i are going to the gym/spa. it feels so damn good to be exercising, i think i've been slacking way too much the past few months.

only problem is, for the two times that i went to the gym, both times i was so dizzy and my eyes totally went blank for a good few seconds. whether it's low blood sugar or low blood pressure, i just thought it's quite scary. it's coming back to haunt me!!

PLUS doesn't help that my acne medicine is so strong also. i think it's weakening my body...=(

anyhow, almost felt like killing myself for losing so much money at mahjong AGAIN. i'm losing all hope that i can actually win some money at it. but ah well, i'm upset cos i made TOO many mistakes. sigh.

my cph flight details are finally almost finalised. at first i was so worried about going over when no one is going with me, now i just think it doesn't matter and i'll solve the problems as they come. things will go smoothly, i HOPE! but anyhow, getting lost overseas is a whole new experience rite. HAHA!

ok i'm totally aching from lack of sleep+gym.

results tmr. well well. i really dunno what to expect. PLEASE at least give me a decent grade!

night at cinemas

i've been watching more movies these few weeks than i had in the first few months of the year. first angels and demons, ytd was star trek, and then we watched night in the museum just now. and always with the same group of people and till late at night.

it's fun to have last minute outings.

oh and we bowled too. it's been long since i last bowled and i sucked at it. less than half of my own personal best? ah well, it's the fun that counts huh.

settling the admin for cph is so tedious. now that the group does not want to travel to london, i guess it's gonna be hard for me to decide when exactly to travel now. gosh.

oh man i do hope there's no meeting tmr. *crosses finger*

OH and i had a scary dream last night. i dreamt i got back my results and i got a cap of 2.6.=( i was so stunned. but gosh luckily it was a dream. and i just hope what people say about dreams being the opposite of reality is true.

ok fine i should go to sleep soon. in case there's a meeting tmr.

roller coaster

today was perhaps a roller coaster ride for me. i meant emotionally.

first stop: got my retainers. after enjoying one week of freedom, my teeth have to go back to being covered by plastic retainers. i was rather shocked at first to see a plastic transparent retainer (i always thought it's those with the metal across your teeth), then thought, this is so much better! heh.

second stop: meeting of cph group. settled quite a lot of stuff, and kinda think they're very nice people! lucky for that. if not it'd be weird staying/travelling around for 6 weeks!

third stop: i met you. i never thought i'd meet you again, but somehow we always seem to bump into each other at the same place. everything feels so different. you made me stunned for a while, a good 10 mins after we said bye.

fourth stop: star trek with daryk, luther and johnson! always the same few people meeting huh. haha but yeah a nice relaxed dinner cum movie. and perhaps another round tmr too.=P dun quite understand some parts of the movie, but overall, it was quite an engaging one.

fifth stop: got home and received my cbs housing contract! gonna stay at Porcelænshaven，away from the other four.=( but the description of my hall seems quite good - single room with shared bathroom, each room with own kitchen facilities, and it's located in school! save on transportation i suppose.=) must ask vivien for her opinion though. heh.

ok that kinda concludes my day. a rather packed one, though the movie was arranged last minute.

and before i forget, I BOUGHT A NEW LAPTOP!!=) ASUS F6VE, a 13.3 inch WHITE laptop. super elegant i must say. and all my connection problems, slowness, lack of space, etc disappeared with my thinkpad! am currently loving my new laptop. heh.

so chio rite.=D

崩溃

mood swings (or perhaps even depression) are setting in even before i start my medication. yes my medication might result in depression and a whole load of other side effects.

i was totally crying my eyes out just now. started throwing everything around and banging my head/legs/hands everywhere.

all because of:
1) my laptop is hopeless. its connection is so super unstable. i have to resort to downloading random bit torrent files JUST to keep the connection going. if not, within 5 mins of restarting, it'll just disconnect.

2) my summer prog is giving me hell lot of problems to think about. firstly, my housing allocation hasn't come in when the whole world have already gotten their emails. secondly, my group can't decide when they want to fly, when they want to come back, where they want to fly to. thirdly, i'd always been looking forward to travelling with jun in europe when i go over. but just a few days ago, she told me she can only bring me around from 21-24th june. i was SOO disappointed. but what can i do.

i'm so sick of everything now i dun even feel like flying over already. yes i know i'm an escapist. but saves all the trouble isnt it.

3) my acne problem. yes i've seen nsc and all, but i'm still so damn bothered by it. now i wonder how come so many people are so skinny and have so good skin but i'm plagued by ALL sorts of problems.

4) now i realise what amy meant when she told me she wanted "love and concern" as a birthday present back in jc. i totally TOTALLY get it now.

5) i can't stand the fact that my family is making used of what i earn for tuition to make me pay for everything possible. whether it's celebration dinner, furniture, insurance, contact lenses, ETC. all these were NEVER paid by myself, and now they are making everything sound like it's MY responsibility to pay for all those. you know i really dun mind if they actually show some appreciation, but no, they are taking everything for granted.

6) friends.

people say friends come and go.

i say friends dun even come.

i'm quite disappointed by actions of some of my friends, and some of them those i actually regarded them as close friends in the past.

you know i used to think i can confide in them in just about anything, now it's hard to even believe that i once had such close relations with them.

when something/someone more important appears in their life, i become a spare tyre. or maybe not even a spare tyre. i become RUBBISH.

maybe it's also my fault. i dunno.

you know i used to think friends were the most important thing in my life when i was in primary school. but i started becoming disillusioned when my circle of true friends become smaller and smaller with days.

now i realised, to some people, friends are nothing but just tools.

so why am i still hanging on to the view that if i'm nice to people, they will in turn return the favour? and being nice is not just making yourself miserable, it also makes people take you for granted. and i totally hate being taken for granted.

so why am i living in this world? there's seriously NOTHING to stop me from escaping from all these. not like i can see myself being successful in the future, not in my career, neither in my family, friendships or even relationship.

if only someone can actually answer my question.

bye bye metal teeth!=D

MY BRACES ARE REMOVED!!!

oh man my teeth can finally see some light. haha. still feel a bit not used to it, like when brushing my teeth and when eating, but still, i'm so happy!=) FINALLY! after 2 1/2 years of torment.

anyhow! haven't exactly been updating here despite the holidays. i suppose i'd bore the few who actually read my blog if i do that. but yeah, maybe i should just mention some of the highlights:

friday: kboxing with doreen and joce! supposed to be an uni girls outing, but all the rest who said they could at least drop by didn't do so.=( so yeah we just went to kbox.

saturday: first spa with mum. hers was a mother's day gift from me. it's quite cool, but i didn't know a lot of the procedures so was quite embarrassed. and cos i'm such an easily tickled person, somehow i just kept laughing. and my mum in the next room was snoring! i was so embarrassed by it.=X after the spa was shopping in suntec and marina square with mum. i think we seldom go out and shop together, especially during the school term. and cos i've been earning a fair bit from tuition, my mum just likes to make me pay for stuff. oh yeah and FINALLY i got my full-length mirror!

sunday: karaoke-ing with charles followed by supper with cedric and his sister. somehow it's just so relaxing karaoke-ing with charles, cos with only the two of us, we can sing ANY song that we like! even those that i dun dare to sing with a lot of people around. haha! and we just sat at the supper place until 3am. gosh. but it's so fun. at least charles can drive us home. just hope there'd be more of such stuff next time! (i kinda love last minute appointments. so exciting!)

monday: stay-at-home-and-do-housework day

tuesday: dental -> meet prof sum in school -> deans office to collect acceptance letter -> tuition. i suppose my research with prof sum is gonna get more intensive. but anyhow, i've been learning a lot! so i suppose that's good.=)

sigh been having problems with our summer prog plans. it's hard to come to a conclusion within so many people, but yeah, sometimes i thought it'd have been better if they were my closer friends. we haven't even seen each other and yet we'll be travelling around. and the thing is, everyone else has gotten their accomodation confirmation, but i haven't! might be due to the fact that i applied for a single room, but still. i feel SOOO insecure.

the only thing i'm glad about is that the people going with me are willing to go travelling. at least i'll have company! now it's for me to decide if i should fly a little earlier to meet jun before the rest come over. BUT i won't be able to recognise them since we aren't flying together. ah well. i just hope things go well.

my accomodation confirmation PLEASE come soon!

angels & demons

3 4-hr tuition sessions in a week is quite crazy, but i suppose the money is quite worth it! but very soon, i'll be spending away at copenhagen! so better 'grab' more money now. haha!

these few days have been equally tiring, though my days start later at 2pm cos i always wake up just before noon.

wed night was 6h class gathering at marche, vivocity. everyone doesn't seem to have changed much. then again, i wouldn't know cos i nv spoke a word to all the guys for the whole night. somehow, i really think i can't connect with them anymore. maybe a few, but definitely not as a group. the class feeling has miraculously disappeared, but i suppose i rather remember the memories when we were back in j1 and j2, it was just two wonderful years spent at rj (i dun wanna talk about results of cos).


cynli! good thing for her! if not i dunno who i can talk to the entire night!


group photo! well well, i wouldnt ever initiate any other class gatherings anymore i suppose, being sooo not close to the guys. shall leave it to the rest to do it.

and so, last night was my dad's birthday! brought my camera and wanted to take a few shots, but totally forgot. the buffet at grand copthorne waterfront was good! at least the variety was good, with ample sashimi, oysters, sirloin beef, prawns, and not forgetting the desserts! i think it's so not worth it for me to go for buffets now, cos the amount i eat has tremendously decreased by a lot! but nevertheless, it was a 1-for-1, so our family only paid $117 for the four of us.

then, met up with some of the BR people (johnson, luther, daryk, sarah) for angels and demons! went to play some arcade games before that, it was quite good fun! from daytona, to bishi bashi to basketball to some 太鼓 game which i saw on taiwan's variety show. just look at the photos!


luther is the pro! i highly suspect he used to camp at arcade to play all the games. haha!
i so suck at the game can! firstly my hand-eye coordination is horrible, then i think my reaction also suck. so tada! i even failed at the simplest stage. to think i was ever a (bagpipe) drummer in rgs!

so while luther is playing, we took the chance to zi pai!
(omg i hate my face! i really hope the nsc treatment would make it better.=( )




if you realised, luther is not in any of these zi pai photos cos he was too engrossed in the game. HAHA!

so after all the arcade games, we went to watch angels and demons! 11pm leh. haha. but anyhow, i totally forgot what the story is about having read the book a few years ago. it's a great show! better than da vinci i think. the plot keeps us in suspense, though prob not for those who read and remembered the storyline. and it's prob one of the few english shows that i actually understood their accent and kept focused throughout the movie. heh. i'd definitely recommend the show!=)

good thing daryk drove me home after that. i think i've been returning home at unearthly hours that my parents are so used to it. i suppose not anymore after this week!

how come holidays seem so much more tiring than exams?

maybe holidays is indeed supposed to be more tiring than exam period, but i must say it's also much more enjoyable, to be able to go out without having something on your mind. from end of apb exam, i have been out for almost every single meal.

thursday: dinner with charles
friday: mahjong till 4am
saturday: shopping with mum and bro, mother's day dinner, tuition, cedric's 21st party (i stayed till like 2 am at his house since i stay so near him!)
sunday: jasmine's 21st party
monday: meeting with prof sum and spring, tuition, BR chalet!

(how can the world be so small? the liaison intern at spring is....?!??#$@?%!?)

now for some photo update! (i was lazy to choose so took all the group photos):


doreen's 21st at aloha loyang (which was since closed to become a quarantine centre). i'm glad alum group D still keep in contact despite such different timetables. too bad everyone is flying off! mel and jasmine to exchange and val to noc.=(


jasmine's 21st! haha we cam-whoring! the food at nuss guild house was good. i never knew there was such a place actually. only thing was that the food were all bbq-ed so now i have to worry about pimples!=X


BR chalet! it's always good hanging out with BR people. no stress. and even when i wasn't feeling exactly that good, you'll really just smile looking at the things they do. thanks guys for always being so enthusiastic! i dun think i can ever get better freshies than you all!

(bad thing was i lost $20 for mahjong. not surprising lar actually. i started playing at like 1am plus, then we just played all the way till 630am. wasn't even intending to sleep, but everyone was damn drained already.)

lets hope the rest of the holidays can be equally fulfilling, though i seriously doubt so.

money is the root of all evil

there's a reason why sometimes i hate to involve money when playing games.

games are for recreational purposes, but when money is involved, it sometimes turns out to be ugly.

i've never ever had much luck with mahjong, and in my memory, there was never once i won money in mahjong games, but i was ok with it.

then when luck suddenly favoured me, since mahjong is a zero-sum game, things just had to turn out ugly.

you know in my heart, i was wishing i wasn't the one winning. i stopped paying attention to my tiles, skipped a few times of 'pengs' just because i wanted to reduce the tension. but somehow my tiles i got were just very nice. and i suppose not 'hu-ing' when you actually won is actually quite disrespectful to the other three.

so yeah..the tense situation carried on, and i was screaming in my heart to get out of that situation. then the inevitable happened. i would have really stepped out of the house if not for my friend.

i shan't elaborate more here. i didn't actually 'win' since i didn't collect the winnings anw, but now i really think money is bad.

-------------------------

i didn't even have a good chance to announce here that exams are over! met charles for dinner after my paper since we wanted to look for cedric's 21st present. had dinner at marche and bumped into mel and jasmine they all! anw, charles and i somehow didn't even realise how long we had been chatting until my bro called me and i looked at my watch and i realised it was already 11 plus. it's really great catching up with friends man.

you know i really hate it that i'm so easily and conveniently left out of any group of friends i may have. i always tend to be the odd one out, being singled out because of many various reasons. somehow, it seems like i'm always the spare tyre, only in use when the main tyres are faulty. i may not click with a lot of people, but it's saddening to feel so extra everywhere i go. there are just too many occasions when i think to myself that i shouldnt even be there.

slowly, i'm withdrawing myself, more and more into isolation. i'm such a failure. i just feel as though there wouldn't be any difference whether i exist or not, so why should i? i just can't find enough reasons for me to be around.

i used to be scared of loneliness. but now, i think i'm so acquainted with it that i feel weird not having it around me.

一个人虽然不快乐，但总好过去破坏其他人的快乐。反正，习惯就好，不是吗？

tuition madness

i just wanted to say: 4 hours of tuition is tiring, yet SUPER satisfying. i rather 4 consecutive hours rather than going down for so many 2 hr sessions lar. and of cos the money is good too.=D

even during my exam period, i clocked 10 hours of tuition at dylan's house last week (that's $330 btw.=P) and am probably going to clock another 10 hours this week again, after 4 hours today.

ah well. back to mugging for apb. i have 7 more articles to go, with 5 of them 14 pages long. and i haven't even read the textbook plus summarise all the info into the table form that the lecturer advised us to do. JIAYOU!=D

pls tell me it's not happening again

you know, this isn't the first time my travel plans is on the verge of being destroyed by factors i can't control. on 1 jan 2007, when my friends and i were happily packing for bangkok, we were told that the city just got bombed. and poof! we had to suddenly change our travel plans (but of cos we went to guangzhou and hong kong in the end which weren't too bad too).

now, because of swine flu, there's also a possibility that my summer program at copenhagen MAY be cancelled too. there's no official announcement lar, but there's a confirmed case in denmark now, and i really dunno how long this swine flu will take to clear.

looking at things now, if the summer program is cancelled, i really have no idea how to get through my summer hols. no internship, no school activities. and to think this have to happen when i FINALLY made up my mind to step out of my comfort zone. ah well, maybe i'm just not destined to go to a western country.=X

ah well, shall think about it another time. there seems to be nothing i can do now anw.

studying for apb is a real pain. i think this is the longest time i'm taking to mug for a module man.

i want to travel with friends to shop/play/have fun!!

flashback

sometimes i'm amazed by the importance of the chinese language to me, especially for expressing those thoughts of mine that can never find the right words/phrases in the english language. i love to use chinese to express certain emotions of mine, like in the previous post, and also to seek comfort in beautifully written lyrics.

i guess not many people will agree with me on that. maybe that's why i can't exactly connect with many people, cos after all, most people are more in tuned with the english language and the western scene than what i'm more familiar with.

have been going for intensive tuition this week, with not only dylan but also chelsea. i had tuition last fri, this monday, wed, thurs, and then tmr with BOTH dylan and chelsea consecutively. i'm glad to earn more money in this way, cos seriously, it's quite good money, but sometimes it gets tiring, especially the journeys to and fro. it's just satisfying to see my banks savings increasing rather than like in the past where my bank book are transactions of all withdrawals with deposits only once a year.

and if anyone remembers, i did write about dylan's mum wanting to fire me cos i couldn't click with dylan. seems like nothing of that sort will happen, at least not anytime soon, cos well, she's convinced now that i'm one of the few who can stand him, because 1) i heard xiuwen is having a hard time with him 2) he can't exactly click with his other tutors 3) he seems to be more willing to talk to me about his school stuff. tuition sessions are slightly more enjoyable now cos we're starting to suan each other. no more one-way convos at least.

now, mrs tan wants me to start planning his studying plan for o levels.=X

i never really thought i'd continue my tuition for such a long time when i started. it's 2+ years since i started, and it seems like i'll tutor him till the end of sec four, when it's almost time for me to graduate from uni too. i think having an external income makes me attempt to save more, and also makes me feel more at ease with myself whenever i spend, though there were really times i wanted to quit cos i was so stressed from all my school stuff and dylan wasn't improving much also.

ah well. you might ask why i have so much time to give tuition when my exams haven even ended. that's cos i haven't been spending a lot of time studying apb. imagine reading 30 sets of readings. and some of them are like 22 pages long. MADNESS.

anw, went to nsc for a blood test on tuesday. the nurse complained about my small veins again. but anyhow, mum sent me to bishan (near her office) since it's nearer for me to go home from there. took 59 home and suddenly all the memories started flashing back. it's quite a nightmare you know, cos suddenly i just imagined all the convos we used to have on the way home. i suppose i can never really forget those things we used to do together.

just thought it's such a pity we're back to strangers again. cos you know what, i never really did confide so much in another guy again, cos, well, i'm afraid.