PLEASE DONATE GENEROUSLY to the crane victims! the crane operator did so much for us, but there's only so much we can do to help his family. visit http://www.cranevictimsfund.blogspot.com/ for more info.
it suddenly occurred to me in the bus on the way to novena in the morning how similar the two of them looked. i suddenly had the mental picture of both of them then did a mental comparison. my gosh. or maybe i was just thinking too much.....
then on my way home from watching L change the world with ja, i was thinking, i shud just take the initiative. since it was the biggest regret for me in jc, i shud minimise its impact and try to completely get over it. what's with pride man. he is a friend i definitely dun want to lose, that's for sure.
anw! had a great day out with ja today. went novena in the morning for capt kim meeting (i found my first goodie bag item!=P), then shopped a bit at novena (and i ended up buying 2 tops and got scolded by ja for buying one of them! heh), then we separated. she went for project meeting while i went to collect my passport. and we met again at orchard. went to heeren and then watched movie at cine! ja's shoes totally killed her, esp with so much walking around.
anw L was good! i sorta enjoyed it. like...no need to think so much, but things happened for reasons. and L is so cute. his actions, facial expressions etc. i wonder how he's like in real life....
i NEED to study omg. THREEEEEEEEE more days to fna. i haven done soooooo many things. i'm sooo dead....
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
hero
we could all have died.
if not for the crane operator who tilted the crane away from the building where many students are, and called out to his fellow workers to escape. i almost teared when ja told me about this. even when he was facing death, he was composed enough to do so many things to save many others from dying.
francine is raising funds for the families of those who died in the crane crash (btw it's 72 tonne crane, not 22 tonne as i said in a few entries ago.) i seriously hope people will donate, and genuinely feel touched that we were saved by such an unselfish man.
thank you...
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on a lighter note, jocelyn, zhi xian, yen ling and i met up on monday night! it was great chatting and talking about everything 'under the sun'. been a long time since we met, but so many things haven changed. all the talks about softball, about crushes, about everything we talked about last time. so cool. and of cos since we all come from different unis, we were just comparing our lives.
then had legal meeting in school and stardust booth duty ytd. legal meeting ended at 1115am, so i went back to biz and waited till 115 before the rest came for duty. i was supposed to do work, but in the end i only watched 22 mins of webcast, and didn't do anything else. omg. and i'm supposed to score well this sem. kill me man...
great chatting with shu ann, vivien and steph at the booth though. haha.
talked to yowie on the phone for close to 2 hrs last night. argued about so many things. but it's good thinking about things from different perspectives.
i decided to be a councillor for foc! hopefully i wont sacrifice the taiwan trip with jun cos of that.=X and.....ok i forgot what i wanted to type.
if not for the crane operator who tilted the crane away from the building where many students are, and called out to his fellow workers to escape. i almost teared when ja told me about this. even when he was facing death, he was composed enough to do so many things to save many others from dying.
francine is raising funds for the families of those who died in the crane crash (btw it's 72 tonne crane, not 22 tonne as i said in a few entries ago.) i seriously hope people will donate, and genuinely feel touched that we were saved by such an unselfish man.
thank you...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
on a lighter note, jocelyn, zhi xian, yen ling and i met up on monday night! it was great chatting and talking about everything 'under the sun'. been a long time since we met, but so many things haven changed. all the talks about softball, about crushes, about everything we talked about last time. so cool. and of cos since we all come from different unis, we were just comparing our lives.
then had legal meeting in school and stardust booth duty ytd. legal meeting ended at 1115am, so i went back to biz and waited till 115 before the rest came for duty. i was supposed to do work, but in the end i only watched 22 mins of webcast, and didn't do anything else. omg. and i'm supposed to score well this sem. kill me man...
great chatting with shu ann, vivien and steph at the booth though. haha.
talked to yowie on the phone for close to 2 hrs last night. argued about so many things. but it's good thinking about things from different perspectives.
i decided to be a councillor for foc! hopefully i wont sacrifice the taiwan trip with jun cos of that.=X and.....ok i forgot what i wanted to type.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
想念
我终于装上了这个华文软件。
有时侯我真的觉得使用华语对我来说，容易多了。就算别人可能不会了解，我已经不在乎了。
我想说的就是，我很怀念当时的时光。一起回家，一起读书，看电影，打乒乓，网上聊天，传简讯，一切一切，到现在为止，我还是那么的珍惜。 因为，那是我绝无仅有的一段时间。现在的我，已不敢对任何友情抱着那么大的期许，就因为我害怕，害怕我再一次陷入深渊。
可是，我真的有点厌倦一个人。不管一个人有多坚强，她还是会需要一双聆听的耳朵，和一个可以依靠的肩膀。你知道，当我获知妈妈帮我打扫房间时，我有多么的开心，有时候，我多想不要那么独立，因为我也渴望别人的呵护。可是，承认软弱，可不是一件容易的事。 还是，我的自尊心太强了。
况且，我真的觉得，我的存在，好像对任何一个人，一点关系也没有。就不差我这个人。因为，我在每个人的眼里，好像只是注定扮演配角戏，只是调味品。或许， 我太封闭我自己了。我觉得，我好像很容易被遗忘，家人总是不重视我的感受，朋友又把我当成是理所当然的。我真得很气，每天朝夕相处的‘好朋友’，竟然连生日也不当一回事， 难道我这个朋友，真得那么差劲吗？我可是失望透了。
我好像只有羡慕别人的份。
有时侯我真的觉得使用华语对我来说，容易多了。就算别人可能不会了解，我已经不在乎了。
我想说的就是，我很怀念当时的时光。一起回家，一起读书，看电影，打乒乓，网上聊天，传简讯，一切一切，到现在为止，我还是那么的珍惜。 因为，那是我绝无仅有的一段时间。现在的我，已不敢对任何友情抱着那么大的期许，就因为我害怕，害怕我再一次陷入深渊。
可是，我真的有点厌倦一个人。不管一个人有多坚强，她还是会需要一双聆听的耳朵，和一个可以依靠的肩膀。你知道，当我获知妈妈帮我打扫房间时，我有多么的开心，有时候，我多想不要那么独立，因为我也渴望别人的呵护。可是，承认软弱，可不是一件容易的事。 还是，我的自尊心太强了。
况且，我真的觉得，我的存在，好像对任何一个人，一点关系也没有。就不差我这个人。因为，我在每个人的眼里，好像只是注定扮演配角戏，只是调味品。或许， 我太封闭我自己了。我觉得，我好像很容易被遗忘，家人总是不重视我的感受，朋友又把我当成是理所当然的。我真得很气，每天朝夕相处的‘好朋友’，竟然连生日也不当一回事， 难道我这个朋友，真得那么差劲吗？我可是失望透了。
我好像只有羡慕别人的份。
show appreciation
my mood was fluctuating quite a lot today. woke up early today cos didnt tell mum stardust meeting was cancelled. didnt manage to go back to sleep, so just woke up lor.
rag meeting was quite funny. but honestly, i still dun quite feel the bond to the comm yet. maybe it's cos i'm not close to the people at all. i suppose it takes time lar. and somemore i'm not one who gets close to people easily. i guess we'll have tons of time. but from the way dexter said it, there are really quite a lot of expectations and stress. do hope we can overcome all those and continue to accomplish our goals.=)
went with ja to vivo to shop after the meeting. then was late in meeting bro on the bus, so he had to alight. and all we had was silence for the rest of the journey.
was just thinking on the bus, i really hate my life sometimes. i'm quite tired of making everyone happy, giving in to everyone, pleasing people around me. sometimes i realise how some people just take for granted the niceness of people. i dunno. i feel like an insignificant person most of the times, but whenever help is needed, the opposite occurs. i know how bad this sounds, and people may well be thinking, what kind of girl i am, cos i shouldnt even be hoping to get anything out of helping others. but you know, it's tiring maintaining such an image. and sometimes you just want to feel appreciated, then you know everything you did, are doing, and will do is worth it.
i'm starting to think, do i appear cocky, proud, distant to people, especially people who dunno me well? i do hate myself for not being able to open up to people easily, and feeling so self-conscious all the time, cos even watching yourself is tiring.
ah well. my family had dinner together to 'celebrate' my bday. sometimes i wonder what kind of person i'll be if i wasn't born in my family. i think i was trained to 'shut up' since i was young, making me very hesitant to voice my opinions all the time, even till now. i've always felt that my opinions arent important, that there are always better ones around. sometimes my smiling front is just a mask, that underneath it lies a whole pack of insecurity, fright, lack of love, inferiority, frustration, regrets.
you know without smiling, i think i'm hopeless at networking. i'm even scared of approaching people. how coward can i get.
anw, went for tuition, and dylan gave me a pleasant surprise! he knew almost everything that i tested him! wow. hopefully he does well for his science ca. and his mum gave me a rather huge angpow too. surprisingly, he sorta made things better for me, and after tuition, the two buses that i took came right after i reached the bus stops. then when i came home, i found my room to be super neat cos my mum helped me clear up. it was a great ending to an otherwise highly reflective day.
i think i still believe in the power of fate in our lives. things are fated, dun they seem so. but fate can be very cruel. i've seen how it works.
rag meeting was quite funny. but honestly, i still dun quite feel the bond to the comm yet. maybe it's cos i'm not close to the people at all. i suppose it takes time lar. and somemore i'm not one who gets close to people easily. i guess we'll have tons of time. but from the way dexter said it, there are really quite a lot of expectations and stress. do hope we can overcome all those and continue to accomplish our goals.=)
went with ja to vivo to shop after the meeting. then was late in meeting bro on the bus, so he had to alight. and all we had was silence for the rest of the journey.
was just thinking on the bus, i really hate my life sometimes. i'm quite tired of making everyone happy, giving in to everyone, pleasing people around me. sometimes i realise how some people just take for granted the niceness of people. i dunno. i feel like an insignificant person most of the times, but whenever help is needed, the opposite occurs. i know how bad this sounds, and people may well be thinking, what kind of girl i am, cos i shouldnt even be hoping to get anything out of helping others. but you know, it's tiring maintaining such an image. and sometimes you just want to feel appreciated, then you know everything you did, are doing, and will do is worth it.
i'm starting to think, do i appear cocky, proud, distant to people, especially people who dunno me well? i do hate myself for not being able to open up to people easily, and feeling so self-conscious all the time, cos even watching yourself is tiring.
ah well. my family had dinner together to 'celebrate' my bday. sometimes i wonder what kind of person i'll be if i wasn't born in my family. i think i was trained to 'shut up' since i was young, making me very hesitant to voice my opinions all the time, even till now. i've always felt that my opinions arent important, that there are always better ones around. sometimes my smiling front is just a mask, that underneath it lies a whole pack of insecurity, fright, lack of love, inferiority, frustration, regrets.
you know without smiling, i think i'm hopeless at networking. i'm even scared of approaching people. how coward can i get.
anw, went for tuition, and dylan gave me a pleasant surprise! he knew almost everything that i tested him! wow. hopefully he does well for his science ca. and his mum gave me a rather huge angpow too. surprisingly, he sorta made things better for me, and after tuition, the two buses that i took came right after i reached the bus stops. then when i came home, i found my room to be super neat cos my mum helped me clear up. it was a great ending to an otherwise highly reflective day.
i think i still believe in the power of fate in our lives. things are fated, dun they seem so. but fate can be very cruel. i've seen how it works.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
i'm TWENTY!
my 19th year ended off with a bang despite it being so horrible. it was so amusing because ja and i were supposed to be staying in school to study and then dinner together. while we were studying, suddenly i heard a voice calling 'amelia'. thought it was some random person, so didnt bother. then called some more, so i decided to go check out and jess and cynli were hiding outside lt 16! omg. i was really shocked. cos they were trying to trick me. i asked them out for dinner the day before, but both said they not free. but they've already planned to come over and so they were actually talking in another convo! then ja was trying to make herself full so i wouldnt want to go for dinner so she can stall time. HAHA!
we talked damn a lot and laughed a lot too! REALLY enjoyed myself. they ordered in pizza as well. then cam-whoring.
my hp timer function is not bad huh.=P
THANK YOU ja cynli jess for the surprise! REALLY appreciate it!! you guys made me a very happy girl on 20th night.=) and special thanks to jess for sending me home! haha!
cny celebration in school on 21st!
michael!
wai ling!
part of ia comm!
big THANK YOU to the following people for wishing me happy birthday!
(early): esther (who was conned by bro's friend jonathan. HAHA!), zhenjie (who asked me whether it was my bday the next day), jiaying, titus (who msged me mins before my bday)
face-to-face: ja, jess, cynli, mel, nuan ting, pius, michael, christine, cherylene, doreen, jon teo, wai ling, lingzi, olivia, margaret, matilda, brent, huishen, eugene, dexter, francine, meryl, yizhe, shu ann, karmen, yawen, ia comm who were involved in cny + ritchie, whole ibiza comm(who were made by wenkang to sing a bday song during meeting), random people in bizad club room, xueyi
smses: jess, cynli, jon loh, vivien, yowie (from london!), kang, cai, mel, just, farah, tubby (happy bday too!), doreen, JUN (from london too!), jasmine, ethel, cherry, val cheong, jonny, mum, hu-lin, amy tan, zhi xian, yenling, caroline, ming, xiuwen, zhihao, senthil, gayle, yong'an, wenkang
msn: bro, vivien, titus, ja, brent
facebook: charles, daryl yeo, xianwen, xinyee, josie, germaine, lingzi, amy tan, zhizhong, stephanie, alex, chinghui, ada, doreen, buddy hongyi, navjote, yugai, bonkie
we talked damn a lot and laughed a lot too! REALLY enjoyed myself. they ordered in pizza as well. then cam-whoring.
my hp timer function is not bad huh.=P
THANK YOU ja cynli jess for the surprise! REALLY appreciate it!! you guys made me a very happy girl on 20th night.=) and special thanks to jess for sending me home! haha!
cny celebration in school on 21st!
michael!
mel!
farah!
mel farah and margaret!
mel farah michael!
wai ling!
part of ia comm!
big THANK YOU to the following people for wishing me happy birthday!
(early): esther (who was conned by bro's friend jonathan. HAHA!), zhenjie (who asked me whether it was my bday the next day), jiaying, titus (who msged me mins before my bday)
face-to-face: ja, jess, cynli, mel, nuan ting, pius, michael, christine, cherylene, doreen, jon teo, wai ling, lingzi, olivia, margaret, matilda, brent, huishen, eugene, dexter, francine, meryl, yizhe, shu ann, karmen, yawen, ia comm who were involved in cny + ritchie, whole ibiza comm(who were made by wenkang to sing a bday song during meeting), random people in bizad club room, xueyi
smses: jess, cynli, jon loh, vivien, yowie (from london!), kang, cai, mel, just, farah, tubby (happy bday too!), doreen, JUN (from london too!), jasmine, ethel, cherry, val cheong, jonny, mum, hu-lin, amy tan, zhi xian, yenling, caroline, ming, xiuwen, zhihao, senthil, gayle, yong'an, wenkang
msn: bro, vivien, titus, ja, brent
facebook: charles, daryl yeo, xianwen, xinyee, josie, germaine, lingzi, amy tan, zhizhong, stephanie, alex, chinghui, ada, doreen, buddy hongyi, navjote, yugai, bonkie
pull and bear dress by ja, cynli and jess! one of the dresses i tried with ja when we were shopping.
mum, bro and dad gave me this set of watch and jewellery.
mel's breakfast for me!
doreen, cherylene and christine's present! they gave me a cake too!=)
cupcakes made by karmen! 
raheem's card!
as usual, bdays are always grumpy for me. for me, bdays arent the best days. it's always the day to emo, to think about stuff, to reflect. there are only two wishes in my mind right now. even though it was my bday, i didn't feel anything different, other than the occasional bday songs.
there are just times disappointment sets in, times you feel so easily forgotten. i suppose the key is not to think so much.
meeting during your bday wasn't exactly the best way to end it. wenkang said i shud have told him, then he wont schedule it on 21st. anw, meeting was good i think. but i feel so inexperienced and inadequate seriously. ah well.
highlight of the day:
a 22-tonne crane fell at the construction site just beside biz school. i heard a loud sound and the ground trembling, and then a whole lot of people swamped to watch it. it ALMOST hit the bus stop. it fell at the right place. any distance more to the right or left would be disastrous. then heard 3 died, crushed by the falling crane.
here are some photos:
scary! cant imagine if i were at the bus stop, or witnessed the whole fall. oh man.
20 makes me feel a lot older. ah well. time to sleep! fna tutorial was the only tutorial i've not done for the past few weeks. haven been skipping lessons too. real bad. i better catch up faster during the mid-term break.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
STARDUST 2008!
Calling all who are aged 16 to 25 years! Do you have a passion for singing or play in a band? If you fit the bill, we WANT you! Stardust 2008, the annual nationwide singing competition organised by NUS Students' Business Club is back! Stardust 2008 promises to be the biggest Stardust ever organised with Lee Wei Song School of Music as our Official Music School! You can sing in English or Mandarin, whichever you are most comfortable with.
$10,000 WORTH OF CASH AND PRIZES TO BE WON!
visit http://www.stardust2008.com/
poster for soloists!
poster for band!
think of friends you know who can sing and get them to join stardust! it'll definitely be a very good experience!=)
Sunday, February 17, 2008
thank you..
special thanks to jun and ja for making me feel much better after my outburst on thursday night. it's amazing how i recovered after that night cos i woke up on fri morning feeling as if nothing had happened (though i found my lights and laptop still switched on in the morning cos i just fell asleep while crying). i wonder if my emotions on thurs were totally exaggerated, but i really felt like shit (as crude as this sounds). sometimes i admire myself for being able to hide all my emotions within myself especially in social occasions (like in school or in public), but this ability has led to random outbursts which is probably not very healthy.
i guess i dun like to be the centre of attention and i feel damn weird if not-so-close people suddenly show their concern. it's like, i'll feel weird if i say i'm not feeling well then suddenly everyone asks me to go rest. weird rite. but i really dun like it. it's always sweeter when people do small things to try to cheer me up or make me feel better.
the whole 'love is in the air' atmosphere during vday never fails to make me feel loved and unloved at the same time. loved because you'll have friends giving out presents to you and sincere wishes from them. unloved because these presents are also given out to so many other people (of cos this doesn't dilute the love from them, but i guess sometimes you just want to be the special friend kinda thing) and of cos also due to the absence of a bf. and you'll just tend to admire others cos the day is made so much more special with the celebration. then you'll wonder 10 years down the road, will it still be the same.
i can't wait for the week to be over. one week of break is very much needed at this current moment cos of the lack of sleep for the whole week. and with the upcoming week being as busy as the one that just passed, i highly doubt i'll have the ability to survive another of such a week. even though the break is not exactly a break with stardust and probably many other things to do, at least it's still a break from lessons. i'm rather glad i've been keeping up with my studies thus far and doing all my tutorials faithfully. i hope i can keep it like that, even though with such a schedule for the next month, i'm rather doubtful. i'm still keeping my fingers crossed though.
i had fun ytd. even though i woke up VERY late for meeting (i was supposed to leave house at 8.30am, but i woke up at 8.40am). was only 15 mins late for the meeting though. the amount of things to do for stardust is rather scary, but i'll definitely try my best. it's, after all, my very first major event commitment in bizad.
i went down to city hall for council gathering. started by kboxing at marina (i was quite disappointed when i couldnt find lai bu ji by hebe=X). i was really shocked when the kbox staff chased us out by 6pm and said the ending time is decided by them. like wth. since when was that implemented. ah well. went to olio for dinner with another group of councillors (the kbox gang was TOTALLY different from the dinner gang except wesley and i) and at one point it was 7 guys to 1 girl. they persuaded me to stay despite my attempts to leave cos i said i wanted to mug. they were like, why go into biz if you mug.-_-. then xinling came. and jun called from london!! i was so sad when i missed her first call then she called again! sorta passed the phone around and talked to her till her phone credits died on her. but was REALLY good to talk on the phone with her cos i haven done so in ages.=X she said i sounded happier. heh.
ok i'm supposed to be mugging for my ss mid term which is tmr. i have a written assignment to hand in and a presentation to prepare for law tmr. i wonder why i'm still here huh.
i guess i dun like to be the centre of attention and i feel damn weird if not-so-close people suddenly show their concern. it's like, i'll feel weird if i say i'm not feeling well then suddenly everyone asks me to go rest. weird rite. but i really dun like it. it's always sweeter when people do small things to try to cheer me up or make me feel better.
the whole 'love is in the air' atmosphere during vday never fails to make me feel loved and unloved at the same time. loved because you'll have friends giving out presents to you and sincere wishes from them. unloved because these presents are also given out to so many other people (of cos this doesn't dilute the love from them, but i guess sometimes you just want to be the special friend kinda thing) and of cos also due to the absence of a bf. and you'll just tend to admire others cos the day is made so much more special with the celebration. then you'll wonder 10 years down the road, will it still be the same.
i can't wait for the week to be over. one week of break is very much needed at this current moment cos of the lack of sleep for the whole week. and with the upcoming week being as busy as the one that just passed, i highly doubt i'll have the ability to survive another of such a week. even though the break is not exactly a break with stardust and probably many other things to do, at least it's still a break from lessons. i'm rather glad i've been keeping up with my studies thus far and doing all my tutorials faithfully. i hope i can keep it like that, even though with such a schedule for the next month, i'm rather doubtful. i'm still keeping my fingers crossed though.
i had fun ytd. even though i woke up VERY late for meeting (i was supposed to leave house at 8.30am, but i woke up at 8.40am). was only 15 mins late for the meeting though. the amount of things to do for stardust is rather scary, but i'll definitely try my best. it's, after all, my very first major event commitment in bizad.
i went down to city hall for council gathering. started by kboxing at marina (i was quite disappointed when i couldnt find lai bu ji by hebe=X). i was really shocked when the kbox staff chased us out by 6pm and said the ending time is decided by them. like wth. since when was that implemented. ah well. went to olio for dinner with another group of councillors (the kbox gang was TOTALLY different from the dinner gang except wesley and i) and at one point it was 7 guys to 1 girl. they persuaded me to stay despite my attempts to leave cos i said i wanted to mug. they were like, why go into biz if you mug.-_-. then xinling came. and jun called from london!! i was so sad when i missed her first call then she called again! sorta passed the phone around and talked to her till her phone credits died on her. but was REALLY good to talk on the phone with her cos i haven done so in ages.=X she said i sounded happier. heh.
ok i'm supposed to be mugging for my ss mid term which is tmr. i have a written assignment to hand in and a presentation to prepare for law tmr. i wonder why i'm still here huh.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
first.
i dun remember ever crying myself to sleep. ytd was the first time i've ever done so. it was a time of overwhelming emotions. i still dunno if it was cos of one issue, or a combination of factors. i really couldn't stop crying. everytime i tried to stop, i thought of other stuff and just cried again.
my 19th year is really the worst it could ever be. maybe it isn't as bad as i put it, but i can't wait for it to be over. perhaps it's because it's a year of bad academic results for me. the trigger was the release of dean's list last night. maybe i've been expecting too much from myself. when i knew i missed the cut-off by just a bit, i was angry with myself, angry for not putting in just that little bit more of effort.
then i was thinking, if academic isn't what i'm supposed to be better at, then what else?
sent a sos offline msg to jun, and i think anyone who receives such a msg would have his spirits dampened by it. i'm really sorry jun. i really couldn't think of anyone else who would understand.
"jun...
i'm very very sad now...
as superficial as it sounds
i'm upset abt not being able to get into dean's list last sem
after holding a small chance of doing so
just seems like 19 years old to me is a curse
nothing really went well
everything that could be bad went bad
started with sucky results for As
and ending with a seemingly similar thing
i dunno why i'm so upset
i nv used to be so emotional over results
results to me in the past were just a part of life
when i knew i didnt get into the list, it took a while for me to react and i just burst out crying
you know i've always wanted to prove my parents wrong
that i can still do well academically
but everything points in the wrong direction
i dun even know what i'm doing anymore
i'm really tried...
maybe i just cant accept failures
i really hate myself for this
for being so upset over results
i know there are many things to life
you know the only thing i was holding on to was my academic achievements in uni
like the only thing i felt better about was my studies
now, everything changed
i just feel like i can nv do anything well anymore
i've lost faith in everything
that i once could achieve"
then people are starting to scold me for taking up too many commitments and killing myself in the process. this week was pure madness.
sunday: slept at 2am
monday: reached home at 11.30pm, slept at 3am
tuesday: slept at 2.30am
wednesday: stayed over, slept for 1 hr
thursday: reached home at 11pm, slept at 2am
friday: reached home at 1030pm
stayover was fun cos of ja. cant imagine what would it be like if ja wasn't there. i think if i ever want a bouquet of flowers, i can even make it for myself. heh.
vday itself was so-so. nothing much happened, just a lot of presents exchanging. didnt get much also. i was SOOO sleepy cos of the lack of sleep that i fell asleep during stats and finishing school. possibly one of the most normal vday, obviously with no date. (haha francine is president of lonely hearts club. i think i can join)
then went for tuition just now. dylan almost drove me crazy. sigh.
ok i'm damn sleepy. shall update another day.
my 19th year is really the worst it could ever be. maybe it isn't as bad as i put it, but i can't wait for it to be over. perhaps it's because it's a year of bad academic results for me. the trigger was the release of dean's list last night. maybe i've been expecting too much from myself. when i knew i missed the cut-off by just a bit, i was angry with myself, angry for not putting in just that little bit more of effort.
then i was thinking, if academic isn't what i'm supposed to be better at, then what else?
sent a sos offline msg to jun, and i think anyone who receives such a msg would have his spirits dampened by it. i'm really sorry jun. i really couldn't think of anyone else who would understand.
"jun...
i'm very very sad now...
as superficial as it sounds
i'm upset abt not being able to get into dean's list last sem
after holding a small chance of doing so
just seems like 19 years old to me is a curse
nothing really went well
everything that could be bad went bad
started with sucky results for As
and ending with a seemingly similar thing
i dunno why i'm so upset
i nv used to be so emotional over results
results to me in the past were just a part of life
when i knew i didnt get into the list, it took a while for me to react and i just burst out crying
you know i've always wanted to prove my parents wrong
that i can still do well academically
but everything points in the wrong direction
i dun even know what i'm doing anymore
i'm really tried...
maybe i just cant accept failures
i really hate myself for this
for being so upset over results
i know there are many things to life
you know the only thing i was holding on to was my academic achievements in uni
like the only thing i felt better about was my studies
now, everything changed
i just feel like i can nv do anything well anymore
i've lost faith in everything
that i once could achieve"
then people are starting to scold me for taking up too many commitments and killing myself in the process. this week was pure madness.
sunday: slept at 2am
monday: reached home at 11.30pm, slept at 3am
tuesday: slept at 2.30am
wednesday: stayed over, slept for 1 hr
thursday: reached home at 11pm, slept at 2am
friday: reached home at 1030pm
stayover was fun cos of ja. cant imagine what would it be like if ja wasn't there. i think if i ever want a bouquet of flowers, i can even make it for myself. heh.
vday itself was so-so. nothing much happened, just a lot of presents exchanging. didnt get much also. i was SOOO sleepy cos of the lack of sleep that i fell asleep during stats and finishing school. possibly one of the most normal vday, obviously with no date. (haha francine is president of lonely hearts club. i think i can join)
then went for tuition just now. dylan almost drove me crazy. sigh.
ok i'm damn sleepy. shall update another day.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
6h reunion!=D
last day of cny break! argh.
6h gathering at yongneng's place ytd! though it was rather short and we didn't do much together, it was still fun! like it's entertaining. didn't really interact with the guys also. yn's house is like an arcade. firstly he took out two sets of mahjong, then carom, then a few deck of cards, then karaoke set with 20,000 songs, then foosball table, then mini pool table. so at any point of time, there were like at least 2 groups of people doing different stuff.
i was quite hogging the karaoke set. even though i know i can't sing, after a while, i hecked and just kept singing. haha. then we were trying to challenge the rating system. from 20+ points, ja and i slowly improved and we got 94 the highest! for yong qi i think.=P
love 6h's cny reunions!=) 14 people turned up! heh.
the guys taking photo and being monkeys, as usual.
ja and i! one of our cam-whoring photos.=P
6h gathering at yongneng's place ytd! though it was rather short and we didn't do much together, it was still fun! like it's entertaining. didn't really interact with the guys also. yn's house is like an arcade. firstly he took out two sets of mahjong, then carom, then a few deck of cards, then karaoke set with 20,000 songs, then foosball table, then mini pool table. so at any point of time, there were like at least 2 groups of people doing different stuff.
i was quite hogging the karaoke set. even though i know i can't sing, after a while, i hecked and just kept singing. haha. then we were trying to challenge the rating system. from 20+ points, ja and i slowly improved and we got 94 the highest! for yong qi i think.=P
love 6h's cny reunions!=) 14 people turned up! heh.
the guys taking photo and being monkeys, as usual.
ja and i! one of our cam-whoring photos.=P
amy!
ming!
cai wth his trick candles! he's SOOO camera shy!
first shot!
second!
third!
fourth!
and last one! boon just keep pressing the cameras cos he was sitting right in front, so we just kept taking and taking. haha.
and it's back to school tmr. =( this week onwards it'll be madness.
vday is coming up...jun said it's single awareness day? haha it's quite true. like couples will enjoy themselves, then singles like me are left to think of why they're still single, and how they can find company on a terrifying day like 14th feb. i may like to make presents for friends around me, but i guess to me, it's just a distraction. good for me though, is that vday signifies just a week before my bday. though moving on from a -teen to the big twenty seems like a big jump. i've lived for almost two decades now! but under the law, we're still considered as infants. heh.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN CAI! you're old!=)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHEL!
though i doubt they'll read my blog at all.
2 more miserable weeks before term break, which leaves me to mug for 3 mid-terms and one term paper. sigh.
vday is coming up...jun said it's single awareness day? haha it's quite true. like couples will enjoy themselves, then singles like me are left to think of why they're still single, and how they can find company on a terrifying day like 14th feb. i may like to make presents for friends around me, but i guess to me, it's just a distraction. good for me though, is that vday signifies just a week before my bday. though moving on from a -teen to the big twenty seems like a big jump. i've lived for almost two decades now! but under the law, we're still considered as infants. heh.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN CAI! you're old!=)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHEL!
though i doubt they'll read my blog at all.
2 more miserable weeks before term break, which leaves me to mug for 3 mid-terms and one term paper. sigh.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
happy cny!
back from cny visiting! quite a standard visiting routine so after a while cny gets a little sian. just have to say i'm really quite overwhelmed by gabriel's HUGE angpow. well he did say that it was for our studies, but still. it's a large amount. previously when mum and dad went over to hk, he already gave them a sum of money for them to spend, and now, he just gave us such a big sum. not that i'm complaining, but it's quite cool how he's so generous, and seemingly only towards my family. or maybe cos we're not doing THAT well financially. ah well. nice cousin we have huh. i haven seen this many $100 dollars notes before.
of cos due to gabriel's generosity, our collection from our angpows this year has surged. and i tried something new this year. i put on my own makeup! well i think it's not bad considering it's my first time. love the eye shadow.=P bought some cosmetics at quite a low price at forum's bazaar. and of cos it's good when people compliment. just that two cousins said i'm looking more and more like my mum.=X
AND every year, it seems like we're answering the same few questions. the most classic one:
adel (if i didnt spell her name wrongly): you this year SEC wat already?
we never seem to grow old huh? not that we can blame them, we only see them once a year.
reunion dinner was tiring. did household chores for the ENTIRE day right until they came over. poor mum. audrey's daughter is SOOOO adorable. she didn't cry for the entire night and was soo active. and i actually carried her. usually i wont dare to carry a baby. heh. but it's tiring taking care of a baby this age.
received an email by jun! =D
40% of our 5-day break is gone.can't believe we have to start studying tmr. tragic.=X
i'm looking forward to 6h gathering on sat! maybe a movie with farah and mel tmr and prob a meal with buddies!=)
bro and i are hooked on this song.
洋葱
如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你
有一秒专属的剧情
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
another song that has a nice lyrics:
路
我们都该 回头看看 来时路
就算起风 偶尔有雾 模糊不了幸福
我们都该 在心里数数 感动的次数
谁培你疯 谁培你笑 拍拍肩 一起追逐
多少爱错过了才看清楚
多少事无法弥补才认输
多少次以为找到了幸福
却发现一开始 就是个错误
每一段路 都是一种领悟
珍珠再夺目 留不住心头热乎乎
真心的鼓舞 能温暖一生的旅途
每一段路 难免刑荆棘密布
把坚持牢牢握住 不怕艰难险阻
学会去爱 就不会迷路
of cos due to gabriel's generosity, our collection from our angpows this year has surged. and i tried something new this year. i put on my own makeup! well i think it's not bad considering it's my first time. love the eye shadow.=P bought some cosmetics at quite a low price at forum's bazaar. and of cos it's good when people compliment. just that two cousins said i'm looking more and more like my mum.=X
AND every year, it seems like we're answering the same few questions. the most classic one:
adel (if i didnt spell her name wrongly): you this year SEC wat already?
we never seem to grow old huh? not that we can blame them, we only see them once a year.
reunion dinner was tiring. did household chores for the ENTIRE day right until they came over. poor mum. audrey's daughter is SOOOO adorable. she didn't cry for the entire night and was soo active. and i actually carried her. usually i wont dare to carry a baby. heh. but it's tiring taking care of a baby this age.
received an email by jun! =D
40% of our 5-day break is gone.can't believe we have to start studying tmr. tragic.=X
i'm looking forward to 6h gathering on sat! maybe a movie with farah and mel tmr and prob a meal with buddies!=)
bro and i are hooked on this song.
洋葱
如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你
有一秒专属的剧情
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现 你会讶异
你是我 最压抑最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
你会鼻酸 你会流泪
只要你能 听到我
看到我的全心全意
another song that has a nice lyrics:
路
我们都该 回头看看 来时路
就算起风 偶尔有雾 模糊不了幸福
我们都该 在心里数数 感动的次数
谁培你疯 谁培你笑 拍拍肩 一起追逐
多少爱错过了才看清楚
多少事无法弥补才认输
多少次以为找到了幸福
却发现一开始 就是个错误
每一段路 都是一种领悟
珍珠再夺目 留不住心头热乎乎
真心的鼓舞 能温暖一生的旅途
每一段路 难免刑荆棘密布
把坚持牢牢握住 不怕艰难险阻
学会去爱 就不会迷路
Sunday, February 3, 2008
long and boring post.
oh man my blogging frequency has decreased by a lot.=X
lessons are in full blast right now, with the start of tutorials and with tutorials come presentations. i barely finished my tutorials for the first week, so hopefully i'll be slightly more hardworking for the next few months. i still haven't forgotten that one of my wishes for the year is to maintain or attain a better cap score!
i'm quite looking forward to the next few weeks though. it'll be cny in a few days' time, then vday (though sadly i'll be all alone this year), then comes my bday. bday this year is an occasion with mixed feelings though. i mean everyone should be happy on their bdays, i too look forward to my bday. but it's just gonna be a normal school day, with finishing school somemore AND a meeting. i'm not exactly complaining, since the best way to pack a lonely bday is to have a full schedule of lessons and meeting.
and reaching the big 2 is rather scary. with age comes responsibilities, and with responsibilities come pressure and stress. sometimes i just wanna return back to the good old days when expectations weren't high. but i didn't enjoy many stress-free years i must say.
and something has been bothering me too - i've gained A LOT of weight since jc. ok though it might not be accurate cos of my eating disorder then. but even then, i shouldn't have gained so much! lack of exercise plus constant eating of junk have made me balloon. mel and i went for this health screening and my bmi is dangerously high! though the nurse said it's still ok, but the definition of ok is on the health side, and my definition is on the vanity aspect!
so now i'm trying to make myself more discipline. i went jogging on monday night! and i almost died after that. same problem of blurred vision possibly due to dehydration again. but it felt good. esp after not exercising for so long. went jogging again just now, and my stamina has improved!=D
i went to collect vouchers for stardust at suntec on tues, and so i went back to millenia walk to visit peiying. stayed for one hr plus there and it felt good. though we didn't talk much. always good to relax huh.=D
wed was my short day. but ended up staying at the booth until it closed and went for dinner with francine, jon and ja at vivo. along the way, we gossiped so much it's really fun. kinda love their company cos it's really no pressure. can just be myself! after dinner, ja and i went shopping at vivo. ended up reaching home at 11pm plus.
lessons ended at 9pm on thurs cos of fna make-up. halfway thru i lost the lecturer and basically just stoned. can't blame me lar, i was in school for more than 10 hours. luckily raheem and val were good entertainers, so i could survive that 2 1/2 hrs of night lecture.=)
fri was another short day. mel and i decided to go shopping at bugis street after lesson! it was SOOO crowded can. but it was a fruitful shopping day. i spent around $80 on 5 items! 4 tops and a cardigan. ran out of money and had to borrow from mel even though i already withdrew $60 before that. but i'm happy with my purchases! most of the stuff there are so cheap it's just so tempting to buy everything! i shall go there more often. heh.
after that waited about 45 mins for the bus. i was supposed to be at tuition at 7pm, and i reached at 8pm.=X after tuition, dylan's uncle still drove me home! my gosh. i was how paiseh cos they only wanted to go old airport road.=X but 2 tuition until 2 weeks later! means no income next week. but ok lar, at least there's angpow money to cover.=P
it was another retail therapy session just now at tampines mall. so nan de ja came to the east to play, of cos have to bring her around.=P we spent ages in this shop trying to decide if we should get the dresses. well ja was deciding if she should buy one or 2 cos both looked ok for her. haha! it was quite amusing. have been shopping so much lately! but i'm feeling quite satisfied. like my wardrobe has different styles of clothes already. my dress sense was SO bad last time.
cleared my wardrobe today too. 1 big bag of clothes! and i'm happy today cos i hand-washed my new clothes, changed bedding for the rabbits, shopped at tampines, cleared my wardrobe and room and went jogging just now! a rather productive day! though this means i have to do my tutorials AND household chores tmr.
ok i know this is a boring and long post. just thought i should update since i doubt i'll have time anytime this week to do so.
lessons are in full blast right now, with the start of tutorials and with tutorials come presentations. i barely finished my tutorials for the first week, so hopefully i'll be slightly more hardworking for the next few months. i still haven't forgotten that one of my wishes for the year is to maintain or attain a better cap score!
i'm quite looking forward to the next few weeks though. it'll be cny in a few days' time, then vday (though sadly i'll be all alone this year), then comes my bday. bday this year is an occasion with mixed feelings though. i mean everyone should be happy on their bdays, i too look forward to my bday. but it's just gonna be a normal school day, with finishing school somemore AND a meeting. i'm not exactly complaining, since the best way to pack a lonely bday is to have a full schedule of lessons and meeting.
and reaching the big 2 is rather scary. with age comes responsibilities, and with responsibilities come pressure and stress. sometimes i just wanna return back to the good old days when expectations weren't high. but i didn't enjoy many stress-free years i must say.
and something has been bothering me too - i've gained A LOT of weight since jc. ok though it might not be accurate cos of my eating disorder then. but even then, i shouldn't have gained so much! lack of exercise plus constant eating of junk have made me balloon. mel and i went for this health screening and my bmi is dangerously high! though the nurse said it's still ok, but the definition of ok is on the health side, and my definition is on the vanity aspect!
so now i'm trying to make myself more discipline. i went jogging on monday night! and i almost died after that. same problem of blurred vision possibly due to dehydration again. but it felt good. esp after not exercising for so long. went jogging again just now, and my stamina has improved!=D
i went to collect vouchers for stardust at suntec on tues, and so i went back to millenia walk to visit peiying. stayed for one hr plus there and it felt good. though we didn't talk much. always good to relax huh.=D
wed was my short day. but ended up staying at the booth until it closed and went for dinner with francine, jon and ja at vivo. along the way, we gossiped so much it's really fun. kinda love their company cos it's really no pressure. can just be myself! after dinner, ja and i went shopping at vivo. ended up reaching home at 11pm plus.
lessons ended at 9pm on thurs cos of fna make-up. halfway thru i lost the lecturer and basically just stoned. can't blame me lar, i was in school for more than 10 hours. luckily raheem and val were good entertainers, so i could survive that 2 1/2 hrs of night lecture.=)
fri was another short day. mel and i decided to go shopping at bugis street after lesson! it was SOOO crowded can. but it was a fruitful shopping day. i spent around $80 on 5 items! 4 tops and a cardigan. ran out of money and had to borrow from mel even though i already withdrew $60 before that. but i'm happy with my purchases! most of the stuff there are so cheap it's just so tempting to buy everything! i shall go there more often. heh.
after that waited about 45 mins for the bus. i was supposed to be at tuition at 7pm, and i reached at 8pm.=X after tuition, dylan's uncle still drove me home! my gosh. i was how paiseh cos they only wanted to go old airport road.=X but 2 tuition until 2 weeks later! means no income next week. but ok lar, at least there's angpow money to cover.=P
it was another retail therapy session just now at tampines mall. so nan de ja came to the east to play, of cos have to bring her around.=P we spent ages in this shop trying to decide if we should get the dresses. well ja was deciding if she should buy one or 2 cos both looked ok for her. haha! it was quite amusing. have been shopping so much lately! but i'm feeling quite satisfied. like my wardrobe has different styles of clothes already. my dress sense was SO bad last time.
cleared my wardrobe today too. 1 big bag of clothes! and i'm happy today cos i hand-washed my new clothes, changed bedding for the rabbits, shopped at tampines, cleared my wardrobe and room and went jogging just now! a rather productive day! though this means i have to do my tutorials AND household chores tmr.
ok i know this is a boring and long post. just thought i should update since i doubt i'll have time anytime this week to do so.
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