freaking life

i seriously hate my life.

why the hell do i have to listen to your scoldings when i didn't even do anything wrong.

why the hell do i have to hear so many hokkien vulgarities just because we are setting up a goddamn modem.

how do you expect me to know exactly what you want me to do.

seriously wtf man.

i really really want to escape out of s'pore, out of this freaking stressful place where everyone expects me to be the perfect person. can't i just live my own life. there's just no warmth anymore.

EXPLODING

PLEASE LET ME CONCENTRATE ON MUGGING FOR MY LAST PAPER!! I DUN HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT BUT I KEEP THINKING ABOUT MY POOR PERFORMANCE FOR THE ENTIRE SEMESTER AND DURING MY INTERVIEWS! LIKE THESE STUFF ARE TOTALLY TELLING ME THAT I CANNOT DO ANYTHING WELL.

MY BRAIN IS GOING TO EXPLODE, LIKE SERIOUSLY. I WANT TO HECK CARE ABOUT TMR'S EXAM BUT I KNOW I CAN'T, COS MY S/U HAS TO BE USED ON A STUPID LEVEL 1000 MODULE.

F*CKING IRRITATING. I HATE MYSELF.

GONE

totally screwed up an interview i was complacent for. before i went for the interview, i thought i knew everything already, having prepared so much for my previous interview. never did i know that my mind will just go POOF during the interview itself.

"what do you know about our bank?"

"what do you know about ib ops?"

these two questions TOTALLY silenced me. you know, these questions have the most straightforward answers (which i can think of the answers even right after the interview), but yet, i couldn't even answer them properly. stammered thru most of my replies, and gave sooo sweeping statements that totally revealed my ill-preparation. the interviewers were definitely unimpressed. the rest of the interview, i was just mediocre.

basically i died. i wanted to kill myself so badly. i am desperately trying to nail a job, but yet, i soo totally screwed this interview up. it wasn't even a tough interview - my interviewers were nice, but a bit too sharp for my liking.

and the worst of all, i dunno why the overseas training stood out. i soo badly want to go for the overseas training, but totally for the wrong reasons. kept thinking about it after one of the interviewers mentioned it. this is bad, cos you know what, it just says one thing - i will never forget.

after i left the room, i kept imagining that the interviewers were mocking the fact that even someone of my calibre would DARE to apply. and i think there's a 90% chance that my name has already been struck off the list.

nice. so now i got to apply for even more jobs. go thru the torture a few more times.

totally insulted.

it's really quite insulting when i knew i failed my response paper for a level 1000 biz module. i took that module simply because i thought i could score, but yet when i got back the grading for my paper, i was stunned.

13/30. seriously wtf. i have NEVER failed anything in uni before, not even close to failure, and yet i failed a level 1000 paper?!

seriously i dun understand the grading. if this was a level 3000/4000 module, i'd fully understand. but wth, this is a level 1000!! you certainly dun expect your students to write so in depth, and seriously, there's a word limit! my paper definitely wasn't up to standard, but it definitely isn't a failing paper either!

if i'd gotten like 17 or 18 marks, i'd probably have felt sad that i didn't put in enough effort blah blah. but now i got 13, to me, it's disbelief >>>>>>>>>> sadness.

now, i got two modules fighting to be s/u-ed. congratulations man.

ytd was totally not my day. my family had a rather huge fight over our finances. on the one hand, i was hoping it wouldn't turn ugly. but on the other hand, it turned ugly and that's why we managed to thrash things out and made my parents understand the predicament that we are in. tempers flared and tears were shed, but i guess it's great to talk about things that i have been bottling up within myself over the last few years.

so anw, i have two exams to go before the semester is over. at the rate i am mugging, there's no way i can score any A or even A- in this semester - i already screwed up the 3 modules that are over, the two that are left are those that i feel least confident about. so in a nutshell, it's GG for me.

and to illustrate how things can go badly for me, i have an interview 1.5 hours after my first exam. hohoho. now i have 3 exams essentially. wonderful.

shall go watch webcasts now.

twittering eats up my life.

after i've been re-introduced to twitter, it has been eating up my life. it's actually quite good, cos i get first-hand updates on news and also few of my friends' lives. but i think i've been spending wayyyyy too much time reading everything that is listed.

and because of that, i've also subscribed to 微博，JUST to read up on what taiwan celebrities write. i'm quite a gossip follower i must say. heh.

i've also been sharing my boring life on twitter, it's actually quite addictive, knowing that my parents dun stalk me on twitter and it's a way to "talk" to people without actually talking (since all my friends are always so busy and most of the time i just dun find people to talk to or msg). so yep, it's a new way of life for me. hahahah!

and it's exam time already. i have a paper next tue and i haven't even formally started mugging for it, and the worst of all, i haven't been listening in class or doing his work. COOL HUH. i'm so prepared to do badly, just like how i screwed up my regression test on thurs. sighhh...

ok back to my options and futures tb. good luck to me!

the end.

i dun think you need my wishes, so from this year onwards, bye bye friend.

i need some luck...

it's going to be week 13 of school, and after that, 3.5 years of uni will have passed.

it's quite amazing, i could still remember the very first day i stepped in nus biz, and now, we're going to step out of it soon. it hasn't been the most memorable experience, but i must say i have truly learnt a lot from here. it's probably a great place to go before one steps into the workplace.

ah well. this sem hasn't been as hectic as i had imagined it to be, considering that i'm taking 5 mods + CP. but it might really be because i'm not putting in that much effort into my mods. and the most ironic thing of all, is that i spent most of the time doing a level 1000 mod project. now i'm left with a tutorial presentation, 1 in-class test on regression, 1 final quiz and two exams. the sem is really going to be over...

and i went for an interview a few weeks back, and that's the only one i've gone for, which is really too little considering that some of my friends have already gone for multiple rounds in other companies. well, a local bank rejected me, for a reason i still can't comprehend. i'm actually REALLY hoping and praying i'll get into the company i went for interview for. really like the culture and how they handled the entire recruitment process - seems to me they really care about their staff. everyone seems genuinely happy working for that organisation, which is really amazing. i thought i did well for the interview, but i guess based on past experience, the more confident i am, the more i will be hit by disappointment. and i guess the longer i wait for their response, the more un-confident i am...

ah well. hope this week will bring me some good news.