stop rubbing it in my face damn it.
sometimes i wish i can just scold or express my unhappiness openly like my bro. at least i think i'll be much happier that way.
and at other times, i feel like throwing away my phone and maybe even my comp and live my life in isolation. because getting along, or attempting to get along with people, is so freaking tiring.
but i just can't. there's always an obligation to do this and that, everything in the whole wide world that will be watched closely by everyone around. and if you refuse to give in because you have your own principles, you'll be called 不孝.
stop thinking you're giving me an easy life.
makes me feel that my life is seriously not worth living. but what to do. i can only watch as i try my hardest not to throw my horrible life away.
sometimes i really wonder who i am living my life for.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
$$
sometimes i really wonder if it's such a good thing that i'm earning my own money for my personal expenses. just seems that i'm supposed to pay for just about everything. if you want me to pay, at least get my consent, or let me know that i need to do so. you dun pay for something for one year then come tell me i need to pay for it for the rest of the remaining years. there's just no logic in me forking out money for something that i didn't even choose to own.
i'm proud of my current financial independence, and it's not that i'm being petty about my money. but sometimes it's really a matter of fairness. there's just no reason to get angry when we mention we have been paying for a lot of things since young. if you have been splitting your bills so clearly ever since we were so young, you can't exactly expect a total sharing of funds now isnt it.
ok maybe i'm not that fillial, and maybe it's only right that we give back to our parents, and i am not going to deny that i am quite a 斤斤计较 person. but in any case, i've put in a lot of effort into expanding my bank reserves, and in view that i'm going to deplete it myself in the next few months, this amount may not even be enough.
you know, sometimes i just feel that the old traditional way of thinking views the kids as tools for exploitation. of cos i'm not saying i'm being exploited, cos after all my family still treat me well. it's just that the expectations are so high when there aren't really any role model for me to look up to. i guess the baseline is that, you should expect your kids to treat you only as well as you treat them. anything above that is a bonus.
(i think i will prob offend a lot of parents with this, but i just need to rant about it.)
i'm proud of my current financial independence, and it's not that i'm being petty about my money. but sometimes it's really a matter of fairness. there's just no reason to get angry when we mention we have been paying for a lot of things since young. if you have been splitting your bills so clearly ever since we were so young, you can't exactly expect a total sharing of funds now isnt it.
ok maybe i'm not that fillial, and maybe it's only right that we give back to our parents, and i am not going to deny that i am quite a 斤斤计较 person. but in any case, i've put in a lot of effort into expanding my bank reserves, and in view that i'm going to deplete it myself in the next few months, this amount may not even be enough.
you know, sometimes i just feel that the old traditional way of thinking views the kids as tools for exploitation. of cos i'm not saying i'm being exploited, cos after all my family still treat me well. it's just that the expectations are so high when there aren't really any role model for me to look up to. i guess the baseline is that, you should expect your kids to treat you only as well as you treat them. anything above that is a bonus.
(i think i will prob offend a lot of parents with this, but i just need to rant about it.)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
女人心事
almost teared when i was listening to this song on my mp3 on my way to work...
陶晶莹 - 女人心事
作词：陶晶莹
作曲：陶晶莹/黄韵玲
专辑：走路去纽约
东区的咖啡座 幽暗的沙发里
总有几张熟悉的脸
那种聪明带点捍卫的旗帜
想放弃却又不甘心的样子
越过他的肩膀 空洞洞的视线
摩登女子背着心事
那种以为自己什麽都可以
喝了酒却又哭的像个孩子
我听见 渴望的泪
我看见 我的从前
曾经 我也痛过我也恨过怨过放弃过
在自己的房间里觉得幸福遗弃我
如果没有分离背叛的丑陋
怎麽算是真爱过
请你试着相信一爱再爱 不要低下头
别怕青春消失 就不信单纯的美梦
我在这岸看着你 又为你的坚持感动
你会的 有一天会幸福的
陶晶莹 - 女人心事
作词：陶晶莹
作曲：陶晶莹/黄韵玲
专辑：走路去纽约
东区的咖啡座 幽暗的沙发里
总有几张熟悉的脸
那种聪明带点捍卫的旗帜
想放弃却又不甘心的样子
越过他的肩膀 空洞洞的视线
摩登女子背着心事
那种以为自己什麽都可以
喝了酒却又哭的像个孩子
我听见 渴望的泪
我看见 我的从前
曾经 我也痛过我也恨过怨过放弃过
在自己的房间里觉得幸福遗弃我
如果没有分离背叛的丑陋
怎麽算是真爱过
请你试着相信一爱再爱 不要低下头
别怕青春消失 就不信单纯的美梦
我在这岸看着你 又为你的坚持感动
你会的 有一天会幸福的
Saturday, June 19, 2010
另一种温暖
he's definitely a talented singer, a voice that shouldn't go unnoticed. not only because he's a local singer, but in any case, i really like his voice. i remember he was actually one of the judges for stardust which i was part of the organising comm for, and nobody recognised him at all. a bit sad that he didn't release any other album after his first one, and this album only has three songs.
the lyrics is rather inspiring.
另一种温暖 - 石康钧
专辑：另一种温暖
作词：张乐声 作曲：林倛玉
天还没亮 回忆一直醒在身旁
向着月光 才能背对拉长的伤
绕过多少 用遗憾筑成的墙
才会义无反顾 飞翔
什麽眼神 会让你对上就不忘
哪种情感 会让你湿润了眼眶
爱一个人要多勇敢 谁不曾经历过失望
很多时候 我们都一样
路或许很艰难 相信就有方向
试着把脚步放慢 看看身旁
爱你的人的目光
梦或许未点亮 却总是能给人希望
失去让人成长 也更懂得珍惜对方
生命中总有些过往 会让人一直回头看
也是种温暖
什麽眼神 会让你对上就不忘
哪种情感 会让你湿润了眼眶
爱一个人要多勇敢 谁不曾经历过失望
很多时候 我们都一样
路或许很艰难 相信就有方向
试着把脚步放慢 看看身旁爱你的人的目光
梦或许未点亮 却总是能给人希望
失去让人成长 也更懂得珍惜对方
生命中总有些过往会让人一直回头看
也是种温暖
the lyrics is rather inspiring.
另一种温暖 - 石康钧
专辑：另一种温暖
作词：张乐声 作曲：林倛玉
天还没亮 回忆一直醒在身旁
向着月光 才能背对拉长的伤
绕过多少 用遗憾筑成的墙
才会义无反顾 飞翔
什麽眼神 会让你对上就不忘
哪种情感 会让你湿润了眼眶
爱一个人要多勇敢 谁不曾经历过失望
很多时候 我们都一样
路或许很艰难 相信就有方向
试着把脚步放慢 看看身旁
爱你的人的目光
梦或许未点亮 却总是能给人希望
失去让人成长 也更懂得珍惜对方
生命中总有些过往 会让人一直回头看
也是种温暖
什麽眼神 会让你对上就不忘
哪种情感 会让你湿润了眼眶
爱一个人要多勇敢 谁不曾经历过失望
很多时候 我们都一样
路或许很艰难 相信就有方向
试着把脚步放慢 看看身旁爱你的人的目光
梦或许未点亮 却总是能给人希望
失去让人成长 也更懂得珍惜对方
生命中总有些过往会让人一直回头看
也是种温暖
major update.
been a long time since i updated. somehow i always have a lot to blog about when i'm out. but when i sit in front of my comp, nothing just comes to mind, and i just dun feel like typing anything already.
half of my internship is over. been learning quite a lot, going for meetings and learning how to put into place mgmt accounting and operations theories. and i like it that my boss tells and teaches me a lot, like she truly wants me to learn. including giving me not-so-easy tasks that i need to sit in front of my comp and rack my brain for them.
and lunch time has been good gathering times too. been meeting quite a few friends during lunch time, whether planned or not. just that 1 hr is seriously short, but i dun really want to go back to office so late also. doesn't help that there are always limited seats during lunch time. the time spent looking for seats is usually longer than the eating time itself. haha.
anyway, my bro has found a better offer in another bank, and i'm seriously happy for him. better pay, more days of leave, better brand name, everything beats the previous offer. it's just that sometimes when i think about it, i think my parents will expect more from me cos there's already a benchmark set by him. so maybe i'm supposed to get a higher pay? i have no idea. but i guess it's still too early for me to think so hard about it.
the whole thing about stepping into the next phase of life is somehow making me a little apprehensive about it. i have friends who are just about to start their uni life, but yet, i'm already waiting to graduate. everyone is at different stages of their life and the things we talk about can be so different.
i met up with my buddy line today, with 1 24th, 2 25ths, 2 27ths and 1 28th. it's not that i can no longer relate to what they're saying, it's just that it's soooo different. my uni friends are talking about internship, pay, jobs, benefits, etc. here we were talking about council camp, army life and everything that already seems like the past to me.
and finally jun is back from uk! went to the airport with kang to receive her and i feel so 温暖 to see her run into the arms of her bf as she came out, then went on to hug the people who were there. and when she was waiting for her luggage and she already saw us waiting for her, she was bouncing up and there, waving frantically, and seemed like she couldn't wait to get out of that door. i just felt so happy to be there. felt like i was back to the good old days of staying over at her place, talking to her mum and sis. i think i haven't done that in 3+ years.
plus talking to kang. we havent sat down and talked for the longest time. haven't even met for like at least 1+ years. things have changed, but i guess there are other things that haven't, like how comfortable she makes you feel when talking to her. i felt that way when i was talking to jun over dinner too. it's been a long time when i can just sit down and talk about all the deep stuff and reflections that i had without making the other party bored. i just know that they'll be listening to me.=)
oh and yes, the last few weeks have been days of thinking about my future too. we got back our results on the last day of may, and i unexpectedly did rather well. even my mgmt mods which i didn't think i would do well when i first started the modules. and the dumbest thing was that i scored the worst in the very subject that i thought i would secure an A for it. -_-
and the point is that, i was really contemplating whether i should embark on a thesis. the good grades totally pulled up my cap to quite near the first class range, but in order to even pull it up to a first class, i need to score even better for the next two sems. after a while, i thought that was impossible and i shelved the idea of a thesis. i hope it doesn't come back to haunt me. after all, getting a first class isn't something that common.
another issue i was thinking about was whether i should continue taking my mpp, which i have already decided to drop, but they scheduled me for an interview with lkyspp, which kept me thinking about whether i should just continue. not that i'll be able to secure a place after i go for the interview actually, but i should at least give some serious thought about it rite. in any case, i decided to not go for the interview, and then someone from BBA office called me and said that the interview is postponed. weird rite. but i guess that gives me some time to reconsider my decision, which may not be a good thing also, cos to be very honest, i can't really make a stand about what i really want.
it's been a really long post i realised. oh and i forgot to mention that my auntie just went back to hk today and thus i finally got back my own room. finally some peace at night from now on. heh.
half of my internship is over. been learning quite a lot, going for meetings and learning how to put into place mgmt accounting and operations theories. and i like it that my boss tells and teaches me a lot, like she truly wants me to learn. including giving me not-so-easy tasks that i need to sit in front of my comp and rack my brain for them.
and lunch time has been good gathering times too. been meeting quite a few friends during lunch time, whether planned or not. just that 1 hr is seriously short, but i dun really want to go back to office so late also. doesn't help that there are always limited seats during lunch time. the time spent looking for seats is usually longer than the eating time itself. haha.
anyway, my bro has found a better offer in another bank, and i'm seriously happy for him. better pay, more days of leave, better brand name, everything beats the previous offer. it's just that sometimes when i think about it, i think my parents will expect more from me cos there's already a benchmark set by him. so maybe i'm supposed to get a higher pay? i have no idea. but i guess it's still too early for me to think so hard about it.
the whole thing about stepping into the next phase of life is somehow making me a little apprehensive about it. i have friends who are just about to start their uni life, but yet, i'm already waiting to graduate. everyone is at different stages of their life and the things we talk about can be so different.
i met up with my buddy line today, with 1 24th, 2 25ths, 2 27ths and 1 28th. it's not that i can no longer relate to what they're saying, it's just that it's soooo different. my uni friends are talking about internship, pay, jobs, benefits, etc. here we were talking about council camp, army life and everything that already seems like the past to me.
and finally jun is back from uk! went to the airport with kang to receive her and i feel so 温暖 to see her run into the arms of her bf as she came out, then went on to hug the people who were there. and when she was waiting for her luggage and she already saw us waiting for her, she was bouncing up and there, waving frantically, and seemed like she couldn't wait to get out of that door. i just felt so happy to be there. felt like i was back to the good old days of staying over at her place, talking to her mum and sis. i think i haven't done that in 3+ years.
plus talking to kang. we havent sat down and talked for the longest time. haven't even met for like at least 1+ years. things have changed, but i guess there are other things that haven't, like how comfortable she makes you feel when talking to her. i felt that way when i was talking to jun over dinner too. it's been a long time when i can just sit down and talk about all the deep stuff and reflections that i had without making the other party bored. i just know that they'll be listening to me.=)
oh and yes, the last few weeks have been days of thinking about my future too. we got back our results on the last day of may, and i unexpectedly did rather well. even my mgmt mods which i didn't think i would do well when i first started the modules. and the dumbest thing was that i scored the worst in the very subject that i thought i would secure an A for it. -_-
and the point is that, i was really contemplating whether i should embark on a thesis. the good grades totally pulled up my cap to quite near the first class range, but in order to even pull it up to a first class, i need to score even better for the next two sems. after a while, i thought that was impossible and i shelved the idea of a thesis. i hope it doesn't come back to haunt me. after all, getting a first class isn't something that common.
another issue i was thinking about was whether i should continue taking my mpp, which i have already decided to drop, but they scheduled me for an interview with lkyspp, which kept me thinking about whether i should just continue. not that i'll be able to secure a place after i go for the interview actually, but i should at least give some serious thought about it rite. in any case, i decided to not go for the interview, and then someone from BBA office called me and said that the interview is postponed. weird rite. but i guess that gives me some time to reconsider my decision, which may not be a good thing also, cos to be very honest, i can't really make a stand about what i really want.
it's been a really long post i realised. oh and i forgot to mention that my auntie just went back to hk today and thus i finally got back my own room. finally some peace at night from now on. heh.
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