so it's not just beer that can make me feel so terrible.
"on the way there, i wasnt even walking straight, and before i knew it, i fell to the floor and just laid there, semi-conscious. and when i realised i was lying on the floor, i got myself up and forced myself to the toilet again. but my eyesight was super blurred, that i almost banged into a wall, and i fell to the ground again. i dunno how long i stayed on the floor for both times, but i just knew that for the 2nd time, i was already right in front of the toilet. so i forced myself up again, and went into the toilet into one of the cubicles. then i just leaned against the wall and tried to recover myself. i dunno how long i spent in the toilet, but good thing i felt a lot better after that."
i typed this about my previous experience after drinking, and i thought then that it was beer that made me feel so shitty. today i realised that it isn't. the only difference was that i didn't faint this time round. maybe it's the sudden change in my body conditions. after so long of not exercising, the jog today was quite intensive, as the pace was even faster than the pace i'd normally run.
by the start of my second round [i ran around the perimeter of my neighbourhood], i already felt super drained, but continued nevertheless. so i thought i'd stop a distance away from my void deck, so i could recover while walking back. but when i stopped, i felt the same thing i felt the last time. as i stood there panting, my vision slowly blurred. when i tried to walk back, i could only see 5% of my normal vision. but i still tried to stumble back. and i was walking in zig-zag lines.
i squat on the pavement for a few times as i walked back, and i felt a lil disgusted by people who walked past me, stared at me but didn't even offer to help. [too bad i couldn't see their faces clearly=X]. actually, not that i really wanted them to help cos it'd be so maluating. that walk was the longest ever walk home man. when i finally struggled my way up to my house, my vision dropped to almost 0% as i walked into the house. i didn't want to worry my dad, so i just walked to my room based on how well i know my house. but too bad i underestimated the distance to my room, and i knocked my nose on the wall [ok i know how funny this sounds.=X]. and when i came into my room, i just fell to the ground, and i laid there for almost 10 mins trying to recover.
the whole thing lasted for almost half an hour i think. during the whole period, my vision was blurred, i was panting like mad, water was coming out of my ears, my head felt like it's being pressed on the sides with a force and it didn't help that my back was aching from the run. i didn't know whether to sit or not cos sitting after running isn't good, but yet i knew that if i didn't sit, i'd have collapsed, like last time. i can't imagine what would have happened if i chose to continue running. good thing for both times, nobody saw how lang bei i was, except for those people walking by.
i wonder how my plan of running every weekend is going to work now after this haunting expoerience. argh.
as i was looking for the stuff that i typed last time, i read through some of my entries some time back. and i realised that there seems to be this cycle of feelings that i'll experience. somehow, i'm back to last time when i felt the same way about friendships.
"how many frenships have i foolishly crushed for the past 18 years? now, i'm left stranded. no clear direction, and no one to guide me to where i wanna be, and where i'm best at. Friends whom i can really count on, to call when i need to confide, to msg when i'm happy, to cry to when i'm sad, all these without a need to feel paiseh, etc.
Sometimes it's not that i dun wanna open up, just cant find the right person at the right time with the right circumstance. Too often, when i need someone, there's nobody i feel like talking to. When i thought i found someone, the friendship just didnt last. Is it just me? Or does everyone face the same problem?"
haha ok a random comment. singapore just beat malaysia! my whole neighbourhood just screamed and i knew immediately that singapore won even though i didn't watch the match. but poor malaysian who missed that penalty.