standing on the edge...

i'm really feeling very horrible now.

i dunno if it's the stress that's getting into me or what, suddenly i just feel like exploding.

i suddenly feel like the whole world is going to desert me, to force me to live alone, with no friends, no survival tools. i hate the feeling of loneliness, yet this fear is so overwhelming now.

yet i dun feel like talking to anyone at all, cos i know it's just a psychological thing, and i know i'm just thinking too much. i just feel like escaping, to anywhere at all, to do whatever thing.

i feel so useless.

i feel so disillusioned, about my studies, about family, about friendships, about my existence.

and how could i not notice how insensitive i was to the group. i absolutely hate myself for being so disrespectful. i kept thinking back and putting myself in their shoes, and i totally hate myself for doing that.

you know, i realised i became so much more aggressive after coming to uni. in the sense that i become so much less sensitive to the feelings of people around me. i think i've slowly grown a wall surrounding me, that makes me fail to see certain stuff that happen around me, and indirectly make a lot of people unhappy, and vice versa.

friends, can you pls tell me if i've been rude or disrespectful to you or friends around? cos sometimes, i really dunno. i do admit i'm frank and direct, but i never once meant to hurt the feelings of people around me.

perhaps, i should just live in a world of my own. in that way, i can never hurt anyone.