negatively-charged

i suppose everyone has a love-hate relationship with loneliness.

LOVE because sometimes you just need the time for yourself, to think through things, to reflect.

HATE because most times you just want someone to be beside you, going through everything you go through, be it happiness or frustration or sadness or anger.

i walked through orchard today, in my 25th shirt, alone. that was how unglam, how pathetic. but somehow i didn't mind the loneliness. after being at rag site for two weeks, everything you do, you know that people are watching you. there's no time to do personal stuff. there's no time to feel happy, no time to feel sad, most importantly, no time to yourself. maybe that's why i appreciate loneliness now.

but yet, the loneliness is also magnified at the same time. or maybe i just dun fit in.

maybe it's not as bad as i make it sound like, but you know how blog tends to exaggerate things.

vivien said, niceness multiples when you dun expect it to come. it's true i guess. you tend to see people in a different light when you dun expect them to be nice to you.

inferiority sets in when you think no one will be nice to you.

they say opposites attract. somehow i dun agree. i'm actually more attracted to people who are similar to me and think of what i think. like i'll get excited whenever they say 'SAME!'. i suppose there are just too many people who are WAY too different from me.

but sometimes i'm really disgusted with my own actions. and i'm overly sensitive about people's actions.

(this is a random note: i really feel like not doing anything now cos i'm feeling SUPER sian.feel like throwing everything out of the window)

i'm really super glad my og is black rose. some of them just stayed up with me the entire night to do rag guard duty. even though they probably wouldnt see it here, but i really appreciate it a lot!

another driver in our og! congrats to hsienyao. was quite happy for him when he called after passing his test. 4 pts! multiply that by 4.5 to get my score. HAHA.

on another note, my body seems to be affected by my mood also. gastric comes and goes, my ears are blocked. ah well.

somehow, i have no mood to welcome the weekend. sigh. forgive me for being so negative.