masking

sometimes i like being alone, on bus rides, walking home, whatever. listening to ipod, and just thinking about nothing in particular. such sessions are especially therapeutic after a hectic week.

i do wonder how thick a mask i actually put on when i meet people. i dun think anyone can deny that he/she put on a mask, the only question is, how thick is your mask?

maybe that's why i like being alone, cos that's when you finally can take off this mask and let some ventilation to your face.

it's really tiring and trying putting on a mask everyday. it's like, everytime you meet someone, you have to be on this 'hyper' mode and start interacting with everyone. it's not that i dun like doing that, just that it gets tiring sometimes.

as years passed by, i stopped doing that. i am resigned to walking at the back of a group and simply following them. i'm just not a 'group' person.

there's this super tall psychological barrier within me that stops me from proper interaction with others. i'm quite a weird person i suppose.

i dun deny i yearn for people's attention and gets jealous rather easily. it's just cos i tend to compare a lot. it's just, hurting my ego and deflating a already-very-shrunken ego.

ah well. you know there's nothing that can stop me from being so pessimistic. maybe except one thing.

i shall move on to other topics. met my buddy tree ytd! it was a surprise for david and sadikin and for once everyone could make it! it was quite cool catching up, but yes there's always a generation gap.

then was talking to derrick about biz camp. suddenly i realised that due to the many rafflesians in our biz batch this year, my buddy actually knows quite a lot of them! just the three raffles guys in my og, he knows all of them! oh man. and it's amusing cos desmond told him how fun biz camp is, and my buddy didn't even realise we were in the same og.

listening to them talking about everything - inter-house competitions especially, made me wish that i was back in school. but too bad, i'm too old already.=X

and i can finally collect my phone tonight! i can at least reply and send smses much faster. haha.

rag for juniors starting this coming mon. quite exciting! but means another hectic week without a chance of meeting friends. sigh.