not easy to understand

the talk with mum today reminded me of my 'failure' at As again. i dunno why they just have to keep putting it at the back of their minds and bringing it out time and again. isn't it painful enough that it has spoiled my relationship with dad? isn't it painful enough to see dad being a loner, locking himself up in the room the whole day? isn't it painful enough to see our family slowly losing the links with each other? i really dun see why my that particular poor show at a national examination is such a huge obstacle in our family. it's not that i can't get over it, it's the constant reminders that are rejecting my attempts to get over it.

yes i made a mistake in jc. yes i SEEM to be continuing the mistake in uni. but you can't always treat me like a person who never learns from her mistake. do you know how hard i'm trying to prove you all wrong? but yet, do you know how hard i'm trying to keep my own interests, to be involved in school activities? it's just promoting how one can nv fail in our society. even if i'm fine with failing, the people around might not be this forgiving. and it's not even a true failure in the first place.

i dun understand, i really dun...

and seriously, do you have to scold me so badly for not telling you that i'm not having lunch at home. i know it's my fault, but it's not making my days happier at all. somehow i just think my days are always dampened by such stuff, such small little things.

and the talk with zj ytd was thought-provoking and half-amusing. just thought there wont be any guy so deep in biz. like, the image of him in my mind sorta changed quite a lot after the chat. and usually i'm not this open talking abt r/s. ah well. but i also know these convos wont continue for long. like i said, it'd be one-off convos. can nv talk about such stuff the whole time. you'll just go mad.

i really can't imagine how similar both of them are. the way they talk, the way they look at things, their expressions, their side-profiles, and even their msn font colour. everything is the same! dunno if it's good or bad lar.

and buddy tree dinner ytd! so fun! justin is hilarious. his logic is warped until a level when we cant even agree to it. laughed soooo much lar. oh man. we only meet like once a year. and i'm really afraid of discontinuity after hongyi and david go overseas. ah well. at least we had great fun ytd! took quite a lot of photos too. but shall post it another day. i'm quite tired and sian. shall go sleep.=)

and jun's schedule clashes so much with mine. i really very sad. hopefully taiwan will still come true.=X

and lastly, go to www.quaffs.com/events.php to vote for stardust semi-finalists!=)