pursuit of happyness

i would like to believe that there is something in me that sets me apart from the rest, that there is a unique identity that nobody could take away from me. but no. right up to this stage of my life, i still can't find that something. if you ask me what my strengths are, i can't even think of anything significant enough that makes me different from the people around. i'm not particularly good at anything, whether sports or academic. i have no talent in anything, whatsoever. i'm probably those sort whom people will say, "yeah she's not bad, but not outstanding."

it's so funny to face an identity crisis right now huh.

i think i've peaked in sec four. i had an almost perfect resume from sec four. good cca record, good testimonial plus damn good results. since then, i can't remember anything good that has happened to me. my whole life seems to be in a mess now, results are moderate, not at all significant enough to look at, testimonial is normal, cca record is well, maybe above average, but not outstanding. so what do i have to convince others? what do i have to convince myself?

sorry i haven't been able to step out of my comfort zone to look at the world outside. i haven't been courageous enough to face up to my own emotions, and to fight for what i hope for. i'm not ambitious enough to want to pursue any dream. i'm never decisive enough to make decisions. i'm not far-sighted enough to be able to see what i want for my future. i haven't been brave enough to show my concern for the people around. i'm not natural enough to express my feelings on my face.

pursuit of happyness is good. i guess sometimes we shud just be contented with our lives cos there are so many people out there who are probably not as lucky as most of us here. some people are struggling to make ends meet, some people can even see death in their near future. so what right do we have to be so unhappy? jun, thanks for the show. i guess it came at the right time.

"Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something ... You got a dream, you gotta protect it ..."

but the problem for me is, what dream? i feel like an aimless individual sailing on the sea with no destination.