it hit me real hard when i first saw my results. i can't even meet gms minimum criteria. when i looked through my results thoroughly, only then did i realise how much i screwed up. there are miracles, like how i scored D for econs s and M for math s. but yet, i got B for normal econs. wth lar. i really didn't know whether to be happy or sad.
of cos there's a fair share of people who totally deserve their grades, and there are others whom i think could have done better, and a handful of people whom i think didnt deserve their grades at all. no matter what it is, i guess at least the suspense is over.
i can't believe the impact of THAT matter on my results. i think it was a result of thinking and imagining too much, causing myself to be so distracted during that whole period of time. i know it can't be an excuse. but yet, i can't help but feel a tinge of regret. why did i allow myself to sink so deep into the whole matter? i screwed up my prelims cos of that, but i still didn't force myself out of it. i guess sometimes emotions are hard to control.
thanks to those who consoled and made me happier. i think i gave some people a scare, when i just walked away after looking at my results. i guess it was the initial disappointment. and the expectations. i really wanted to cry, but i knew i didn't have a right to. and like what i told others, everyone starts afresh in uni. it doesn't even matter what score you get. you dun get a headstart no matter what. but deep in my heart, i know my results aren't going to help me at all. maybe getting into what i want is already tough. and there are probably tons of people out there who got a better score than me. so how can i ever shine?
i am still going to apply for gms, and maybe a few more non-bond scholarships. but i guess i'll never be confident anymore. i can't talk about what i can achieve academically when my results just aren't good enough. i can no longer give the guarantee that i'll do well because my results failed me this time round. i just hope that these scholarship boards would not look at my application form and simply chuck it aside.
and i realised there's a double-degree offering business and public policy. a little contradictory in a sense, but sounds like what i wanna do in future. i think i'll consider applying for it. but whether i'll be able to is another matter, considering my results.
talking to cynli, ja and jess is forever therapeutic, simply cos of the amount of laughter. we actually hung out at venezia till close to 12am. i think the people there we are mad, cos we were laughing super loudy all the time. heh.
oh and i was telling my mum i didn't want to go home, cos i didn't have the face to do so. and i dunno if she took it for real, but she actually called up junli to check if i was going to stay over at her house. jun got so worried she immediately called me. blame my mum for saying "you die lar. results so bad." when i got home after midnight, the window grille that was normally unlocked was locked. i suspect they thought i was going to jump. like madness.
and thanks to yowie and pong for the enlightening talk on msn:
"REC Kong says:
dont worry lar it'll all turn out fine
REC Kong says:
sum1 of ur caliber will find her way and it'll all seem insignificant eventually"
"REC Kong says:
yea.. its good lar it really is. maybe doesnt look as good now when ur strolling arnd a sch and all that is apparent are the grades.... but when the consequences of the grades start showing... when the effects of ur achievements so far start manifesting themselves in deciding ur path.. den u'll reallise they're actually excellent grades
REC Kong says:
its all a matter of where ure standing discussing it lol
REC Kong says:
cuz they actually are only a small part of what u become.... it just happens to be the most quantifiable.
REC Kong says:
thats what i think lar... from seeing my sister and pple who have moved on"
"tequila sunrise says:
you can have much less confidence in getting the scholarship
tequila sunrise says:
but you must always have confidence in your own self
tequila sunrise says:
results dont define who you are"
"tequila sunrise says:
dats why its called a miracle
tequila sunrise says:
no one knows how it happens"
my mum found this in the khs website. it's quite funny lar.heh.
TOP PSLE PUPILS
2000
Liu Yun
Amelia Wang Yu You
2001
Ling Mun Wai Natalie
Yao Zhen
and please dun be mistaken. i didn't get top PSLE pupil. i think that's the top model pupil list below the top pupil, as proven by yao zhen in the year 2001. heh.
ok i'm damn sleepy.