this is why i hate interviews

i'm traumatised.

nobody has ever been so brutally honest about how my lack of confidence is going to pull me down.

yes i know that i cannot score well during interviews, but i never expected it to be this bad.

in sharp contrast to my previous post, the second interview that i had was REALLY bad. i really weren't aware that i was portraying such a bad view of myself in front of them.

i freaking screwed it up. seriously wanted to cry when i was on the way back cos the person spent like 20 mins telling me how smu students are better, more polished, more business-ly conversational, etc etc. and well, he even said, "looking at your resume, i thought you were going to blow me over."

"i'd expected a much more confident individual, coming in to tell me how good you are. but now you're putting so many disclaimers, as if telling us NOT to hire you."

yeah yeah. that's precisely why i hate people who looks only at the surface of other people. i'm not saying i have much substance, but going by the looks of it, even though you expressed otherwise, i know that it's a BIG FAT NO for me in your head.

so, is it that only confident, polished individuals can apply for jobs? are they the only ones who can survive in this world? you know, you sounded as if everyone must be moulded the same way. business students MUST know how to present, we MUST know how to package everything nicely and portray only the good side, but hey, i'm being realistic here. how can i assume i know everything but actually i know nothing much?

i am fully aware of my weaknesses, and thanks for giving me such a lesson. maybe, perhaps, i'm really not cut out to be a smooth talker and i really dunno how to package myself, but pls give me the respect too. i am demoralised. i hate myself even more now.

internships?! HAH. impossible.