horrible + terrible

seems like i'm getting further and further away from my aim of deans list this semester.

just had a rather horrendous presentation which was shot down quite a lot by our class mates and lecturer. and so we didn't go check out a lot of assumptions and how formulae can be applied. ended up a lot of our concepts were incorrect.

we had novel ideas, but seem like because of our novel ideas which weren't exactly backed up didn't resonate with the rest.

ah well. raheem insists that we didn't do as badly as i thought. but well, haven't gotten shot down so much in any other presentation before, and the fact that so many of our calculations were inaccurate might prove to be fatal to our final grades.

time to concentrate on the final exam which is 40%!

so far the only good news i have is the fact that i scored well for r&i. top five in class lar, and my name was also mentioned by the lecturer. only year three out of the rest of the year fours also. but well, can only hope i continue to do well for the exam, so at least i can try to secure an A this sem.

most of my modules are wrapping up now, and in the writing report stages. starting to tone down a little, but well hopefully things dun get worse.

and tuition almost killed me the last three days. i had 12 hours of tuition for physics alone for the last three days for dylan. wonderful rite. but i've never felt so inadequate in my knowledge.

sometimes i wish i am a lot smarter than i am. i really think grades dun accurately reflect how much knowledge a person possesses, so even if i have relatively high grades, it doesn't mean i'm smart.

i guess it also boils down to a lot other factors, but point is, i dun think i'm smart and am adequately equipped with knowledge. in fact i'm feeling really useless.

i'm finding it so hard to keep up with expectations, whether of others or of my own.

i've always been trying to understand how this inferiority complex of mine came about, but to no avail.