disillusioned.

i feel like talking to someone, but i just can't think of anyone.

i feel so lost nowadays, totally aimless, just doing my tutorials, readings and cases day after day.

i feel like meeting up with some friends, but i dunno who to call, or maybe dun even have time to do so.

it's been a long time since i felt such emotional emptiness.

and mum's retrenchment has kept me thinking for days already.

not helping that this semester is freaking screwed up.

not helping also that it seems my efforts this sem is not being recognised at all. i've been so much more consistent this semester, doing my work, studying in school so end up coming home late, etc.

but yet, all i get from my dad is 'how come she still got time to watch variety show and play games?'. do you know how painful it is? to painstakingly put in so much effort to do well in my academic, but yet, even before i can do so, my parents just stab me with such comments. makes me wonder whether i should go through all that trouble. i guess at the end of the day, i only have myself to prove to, but i can't help but want to prove to my dad that studies is not everything.

it's really demoralising.

when all you hear since young are naggings and complaints, you forget how compliments actually sound like. i can't even recall a time when my parents actually complimented me.

and when you're always the person saying 'yes' to others, and other people saying 'no' to you, after a while, you get tired of the world, you get tired of putting on a strong front. sometimes, i just wish i can hide in my own shell and do my own stuff, and maybe no one will even realise it.

why am i studying biz then?!?!