i really feel like screaming out loud

i just can't stand your inability to empathize with people. yes this society has a lot of people who are problematic, but what can we do? barge into their house, raise your voice and tell them that their thinking is wrong? come on lar, as much as we recognise that there are problems in the way society works, you have to empathize with people about why they think the way they do. it's not just a simple matter of they being stupid and unable to see what's wrong and right.

and yes, there are people like me who can sit down, acknowledge that these people are wrong, and yet still keep quiet about it and allow it to go on cos we dun want to find trouble. as you said, 我们"这种人"就是这样. but seriously, there are times that we shouldn't overstep our boundaries. different people have different ways of living a life, and what can we do about it? go to every single one of them and scold them off? tell them that the things they are doing are wrong and they should just die in an accident cos our society doesn't need people like them? how are we helping them like that man.

and furthermore, YOUR views are not necessarily right. i just can't stand it when you like, or should i say LOVE, to impose your views on others. different people think differently, and just because someone doesn't subscribe to your thinking means they are wrong? come on lar, the world doesn't revolve around you. and what YOU think might not be what people think. sometimes you really have to learn how to stand in people's shoes and think from their points of view. there's a reason why parents are overprotective of their kids, and i think that's just human nature. you said you'd slap your child if he or she does something wrong, but i'm sure by the time it comes when you have your own kid, you wouldn't even bear to.

sometimes, violence and taking the hard approach really doesn't work anymore. i dun understand why you think violence can solve everything. yes people are afraid of violence, but does that solve the root of the problem? does it mean that by using violence, everything would stop?

what i can't stand most is why mum is forever allowing you to show your temper like that. i can't stand it when we're in the middle of the argument and she signals to me to stop arguing with you. it's not as if i'm wrong, and by raising my point of view, it's wrong?! can't you tell that even your parents are overprotective of you? so protective that even i as a sister cannot raise my point of view to argue with you. everyone in the family must give in to you when you raise your voice. in fact, everyone gives in to you EVERYTIME. and for me, i'm EXPECTED to be independent.

you know why i become "这种人"? it's cos since young, i've been conditioned to give in to you in order to avoid trouble. because i know that arguing with you is useless. either it ends up with something getting broken, or i'll be stopped by someone else.

mum doesn't even dare to tell me that she sent bro ALL THE WAY to school when he was supposed to reach at 8am. the previous week when i was supposed to reach by 8am, she didn't even send me. you say i'm pampered, hell yes i am, but doesn't it occur to you WHY i am pampered? because what i want is just the same treatment that you receive. but i never even gotten that. mum said bro is more filial and more dong shi than me, yes i do admit that. i've never denied that. but has it ever occurred to her why? since young, i've always had to play second fiddle. and just because your temper is bad, everything you do always seem to be right and i've always been expected to give in to you. so what's my role in the family?!

and when i'm feeling inferior even in my own house, because i'm not treated as an equal, it's no wonder such inferiority complex is so inate in me.

yes i'm healthier physically, but i do believe i'm not mentally. sometimes i really do doubt my own existence in this world.

and i'm really a useless person. the only thing i do about all these is to rant about it in this blog, lock myself up in my room and cry to myself. no wonder i'm labelled as “这种人".