jaded.

just finished another week of rag. time is passing so fast during the hols that it's really scary. sometimes i really wish i didn't take part in all the things i chose to take part in. yes i've learnt a lot, yet at the same time, everything is taking away too much from me. the key word here is TIME.

i'm jaded already. i just feel like not doing anything right now cos work seems never-ending. my productivity is going down by a lot. sitting at the rag site, trying to do ibiza stuff, this is challenging enough. you never know when the rest are going to point fingers at you scolding you for not committing to rag. i believe there are people already doing so behind me. i'd have been bothered by it in the past, but not now.

i think i changed a lot after coming to uni. became less rational, more instinctive, even not bothering what others may think of me. i dunno if it's for the better, but i feel like i'm not caring about the stuff that i used to think are important. it's so weird.

maybe As really did change my attitude a lot. the huge changes at home really did have a massive impact on me. sometimes i really can't stand my current self (not that i could in the past). i'm getting sick and tired of living up to expectations, trying to be someone better than i am right now.

the week had been fine i suppose. (have been running away from rag site last few days. horrible!) black rose came down on monday (with fewer people cos two were at dive camp, and i think 4-5 more at usp camp), then went to watch red cliff on tues (oh man i was quite lost during the movie but it was quite good lar), wed was welfare night in which a lot of black rose people came down too (plus yowie who came down to kill time. it was really hilarious cos a few people keep asking me 'are you sure he's not your bf?'. and we sorta exploited the use of his car lar. oops), and today, we failed at a mission (shall elaborate further IF i decide to later on). but after doing guard duty, i was soo tired i came home with daryk (who very nicely sent me home!=D), luther and melissa. settled some stuff and collapsed on the bed from like 3 plus to 7.30pm.

tmr will be a rest day and then night cycling with black rose! oh man it'll be my very first night cycling experience. i'm sooo looking forward to it! and a lot of people are going! fun fun.

makannoobs on sunday too!

i'm yearning for some time on my own to do some stupid things like watching variety shows. oh man. school is starting soon!!!!!