countdown

about 13 more hours to the release of results. sigh. i really have no idea how i'm going to perform this sem, cos as much as i thought i understood the modules, everything didnt come out during the actual papers.

didn't really want to tell parents about my application for scholarship cos didnt want to disappoint them if i dun get it. doesnt help that i think the scholarship is very much dependent on this sem's results. but since i've told them about it, i'm really afraid that they'd be disappointed. sigh.

ja was wondering how come i'm so anxious about results. maybe it's cos i was in an elitist culture for too long that results become such an essential yardstick for performance even to myself. i suppose there's always this pressure not just within myself, but also within my family. boils down to expectations lar.

mum has been pushing me to join this standchart workshop thing. but it'll take up half of next week which i dun even know whether i can spare the time. ah well see how.

ibiza has been keeping me rather busy the last few days. have been trying to clear up the 'mess'. but i shant elaborate too much on this.

sometimes i really dunno how to help dylan. was talking to his mum on the phone for 1+ hour a few nights ago. heard about a lot of his stories and all. but i haven been a boy growing up in a boys' school somemore so how would i possibly know what goes on in his mind! sometimes i really feel quite sad for him, like what is his life centered on? i have no idea! as much as he's quite lazy and all, but i can feel that he's a good boy. you know i feel so guilty that his results arent showing much improvement. and yet his mum has already spent so much money on me. =(

and gosh you know i think even though my bro and i are not very close to our relatives, they're really very nice to us. i dunno how to say, but like they know that we're not so stable financially, so they'll use all sorts of indirect methods to help us. next time we'll really really need to thank these aunties/uncles/cousins of ours.

this is a rather pointless entry actually.